I'm Betty Lou!

2009-09-19T17:28:00.004-05:00

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,

To the last syllable of recorded time;

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Chicken Little

2009-04-27T18:22:00.003-05:00

Now, Betty Lou is not known for being an alarmist. A bit dramatic at times? Yes, absolutely. And, well, I don't think this Swine Flu "situation" is going to run amuck here in the good old U S of A, HOWEVER ... just in case I'm wrong and for the record, I just want to jot down a few little things to refer back to someday.

The news aspect of the swine flu took hold over the weekend which means it really didn't take hold because it was the weekend and news only happens Monday thru Friday in the real media savvy world. During the day, Saturday, the story grew legs. That's when we heard that close to fifty people had died from the flu in Mexico and that 8 students in a school in NYC had confirmed cases of swine flu. By Sunday, close to 80 in Mexico had died and there were 20 confirmed cases in the US in 5 different states. Today, the death toll in Mexico was well over 100 and the 8 infected in that school in NYC had grown to 28. This is what the CDC posted as of 1:00 today...

California - 7 cases
Kansas - 2 cases
New York City - 28 cases
Ohio - 1 case
Texas - 2 cases
TOTAL COUNT - 40 cases

Much speculation about what could happen and much more speculation about whether the media is taking the reporting too far and alarming people unnecessarily. Perhaps. I hope that's the case. I hope we can all, after a period of time has passed, mock and criticize the media for it's "Sky is Falling" messages. Yes, I do hope that's what we can do.

It certainly beats the alternative.

Fairy Tales Can Come True, They Can Happen to You ...

2009-04-14T18:49:00.006-05:00

Susan Boyle dreamed a dream.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Choosing the very best chocolate Easter bunny

2009-04-10T15:21:00.002-05:00

The most important thing to look for when selecting a chocolate bunny that will satisfy is the first listed ingredient on the label.

If it reads "Sugar" put that bunny down and move on. If the first ingredient listed is "Chocolate" or "Cocoa," take that rabbit home!

Me? I prefer solid milk chocolate bunnies. Russell Stover hits the spot for Betty Lou and I hope you find a bunny that's just right for you.

Choosing My Easter Bonnet

2009-04-09T18:31:00.003-05:00

Decisions ...Decisions ... Decisions.

My Favorite Word

2009-03-28T16:23:00.003-05:00

a·kim·bo (ə-kĭm'bō) ... In or into a position in which the hands are on the hips and the elbows are bowed outward.

Being in a bent, bowed, or arched position: "There he remained, dead to the world, limbs akimbo, until we left" (Alex Shoumatoff).

2009-03-17T06:46:00.001-05:00

If you’re enough lucky to be Irish

...You’re lucky enough!

The Lord is My Shepherd

2009-03-09T17:51:00.003-05:00

A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little bobby was excited about the task but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the entire congregation, Bobby was extremely nervous. When it was his turn he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,

"The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need to know!"

Why I'm Most Looking Forward to Spring

2009-03-06T16:34:00.002-06:00

The blossoms and blooms are lovely, yes.

The fragrant smells of nature awakening most certainly entice.

Baby animals are born as the life cycle begins anew.

But, the real reason I am so looking forward to the season of Spring is ...

NO MORE INANE SNUGGIE INFORMERCIALS!!!

And Yet More Tips to Improve Your Diction

2009-03-01T07:57:00.002-06:00

Betty Lou is heartened by the number of people from all over the world who have come to this blog to try some of the tongue twisters I've posted to help improve one's diction. Keep it up! And while you're at it, try some of these exercises as well. These can be done as a warm-up and will aid in better articulation.

1) Hum. Yes, that's right. Hum. When you first awaken in the morning, the best way to warm up your vocal chords is to gently hum. Choose a note that's comfortable and then gradually hum up and down the scale. "Gently" is the key. Don't push and don't worry about volume. Humming causes the vocal chords to vibrate and shakes off phlegm and other gunk that may have accumulated during the night.

2) Do mouth stretches. (You'll probably want to be alone because you'll look silly.) Scrunch up your face as if you were trying to make your mouth and nose touch. Hold it for three seconds. With your mouth closed, smile as widely as you can. Hold it for three seconds. Open your mouth as widely as you can and then slowly rotate your jaw slowly clockwise, then counter clockwise. If you're like me, you'll feel and hear some cracking and popping. Now, open your mouth and extend your tongue out. Try to touch your nose with your tongue, then your chin, then each of your cheeks. Close your mouth and massge the sides of your face with your hands, especially from your temples down between your jaw bone.

3) Blow raspberries (also known as a Bronx Cheer). This is where you pucker up your lips to vibrate against one another to make a put-put sound of more like pfffffffffftt.

OK, you're all warmed up and ready to talk. Just a few more hints ...

If you're going on a job interview or are speaking in public and it's important to produce the best quality sound possible, avoid drinking milk, coffee and soft drinks. Milk hangs onto your vocal chords and you'll feel like you have to swallow a lot. Coffee and soft drinks contain caffeine and caffeine is tough on vocal chords and the throat. It dries you out which will have you clearing your throat constantly. Soda is also carbonated and carbonation will make you burp (especially if you're nervous). Also avoid sugary drinks as sugar is also too rough on your throat. Your best bet is also the easiest to obtain - plain old water ... not too cold, not too hot and add a little lemon because the citric acid will remove phlegm from your chords. Or try non-caffenated tea. Green tea is best.

Best of luck and happy talking!

OSCAR-PALOOZA!!!

2009-02-22T11:26:00.002-06:00

Yes, I know ... no one will watch because "Dark Knight"wasn't nominated for Best Picture ... and those who tune in for the comedy of the host (ie. Jon Stewart, Billy Crystal, et al.) won't watch because Hugh Jackman is a song and dance man, aside from being Wolverine. But Hugh Jackman is exactly why I think people might wish they'd watched tomorrow. I've seen him host the Tony Awards. He was great. Not just a classy kind of guy, Jackman is multi-talented and quick on his feet (not just as a dancer but coming up with clever quips). He's also funny and that will probably surprise people. This is a man who exudes charm ( oh, and who can forget that he was People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive of 2008!). Betty Lou is one viewer who is looking forward to more than just the handing out of metal men tonight.

But on to the awards themselves ...

I can't think of any actor nominated that I would be disappointed to see win (well, maybe Brad Pitt because he doesn't deserve it) and I don't think I've ever felt that way before. Who do I hope wins?

Best Actor: Frank Langella (who won't) or Sean Penn or Mickey Rourke or Richard Jenkins (even though I haven't seen "The Visitor.") I love Jenkins in everything else so I'm sure he's wonderful in "The Vistitor" as well.

Best Actress: Meryl Streep or Kate Winslet or Melissa Leo (I always root for the underdog).

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger or Josh Brolin or even Robert Downey Jr.

Best Supporting Actress: I'd really love to see Viola Davis win (she blew me away THAT much) but it's OK if Peneolope Cruz wins or Marissa Tomei.

Best Film: "Slumdog Millionaire" because there's never been anything like it. I love the style of Danny Boyle. I loved the shots of money being spread on top of a bed in the very beginning and then learning, much later, what that meant. I loved the train moving quickly and the moving picture of light and shadows that played out as the train sped along. Those elements were evident in a previous movie of his, "Millions" which I also liked. I loved the childrens' faces and their racing through the streets of Bombay. There are other images I didn't like, couldn't watch because they were too vivid but that's not a complaint with the filmaking; it's my own weak stomach that's to blame. I also liked "Benjamin Button" and LOVED "Frost/Nixon" (not sure why it's gotten so little buzz) and liked "Milk" very much although I was built up to expect more from it. "The Reader" was fascinating and I carried it around in my thoughts for days after seeing it, pondering the unanswered questions. But "Slumdog Millionaire" and Boyle most deserve the win.

I don't expect any upsets but I don't crave any either.

And, finally, on a much lesser scale in terms of importance, I hold out a tiny bit of hope that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will very obviously blow off Ryan Secrest again on the Red Carpet ... payback from last year at the Golden Globes when he asked Angelina if she made breakfast for her children and when she answered in the affirmative, he followed up incredulously with "REALLY????? What kind of food do prepare for breakfast?" Yes, Ryan, enquiring minds want to know!

Sigh.

A Big Bowl of W.

2009-02-15T08:17:00.003-06:00

Betty Lou recently learned that Ben and Jerry named a new flavor in honor of President Obama. It's called YES PECAN!

I also learned that Ben and Jerry solicited prospective names for ice cream flavors named for George W. Bush. Here is a list of their favorites ...

Grape Depression

Cluster Fudge

Nut'n Accomplished

Iraqi Road

Chock 'n Awe

WireTapioca

Impeach Cobbler

Guantanmallow

imPeachmint

Good Riddance You Lousy M*****f****r Swirl

Heck of a Job, Brownie!

Neocon Politan

RockyRoad to Fascism

The Reese's-cession

Cookie D'oh!

The Housing Crunch

Nougalar Proliferation

Death by Chocolate... and Torture

Freedom Vanilla Ice Cream

Chocolate Chip On My Shoulder

Credit Crunch

Mission Pecanplished

Country Pumpkin

Chunky Monkey in Chief

George Bush Doesn't Care About Dark Chocolate

WMDelicious

Chocolate Chimp

Bloody Sundae

Caramel Preemptive Stripe

I broke the law and am responsible for the deaths of thousands...with nuts

A Poem for the Ages

2009-02-07T16:57:00.004-06:00

"Because I Could Not Stop for Death"

By Emily Dickinson

Because I could not stop for Death
He kindly stopped for me.
The Carriage held but just Ourselves
And Immortality.

We slowly drove – He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility.

We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess – in the Ring.
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain.
We passed the Setting Sun.
Or rather – He passed us.

The Dews drew quivering and chill.
For only Gossamer, my Gown,
My Tippet – only Tulle.
We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground.

The Roof was scarcely visible,
The Cornice – in the Ground.
Since then – 'tis Centuries, and yet
Feels shorter than the Day.

I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity.

WHY IS OBAMA SITTING DOWN??!!!!

2009-02-04T16:32:00.002-06:00

He's been the president for two weeks.
Where's the change?
Why are we still at war??
Why are people still unemployed???
Why isn't money falling from the sky????
Why aren't all the houses in America made of gingerbread and candy?????

Most Presidents are given a little time, say 100 days, to get their footing, find out where the executive bathroom is and start talking strategy and policy with the people who talk about such things. But President Obama hasn't been given that courtesy. Rabidly angry conservatives are already clamoring to be the first to say, "See, I told you so. He's a liar. He's a fraud. He's an empty suit." "Where are the results?!" they scream. But, of course, these are the types of people who are used to being afraid for their very lives. Bush/Cheney victimized them into thinking that they wouldn't be safe in their homes without constitutional breaches and violations of American's rights (that's OK by me since they're only picking on those dark skinned people with names like Habib, right?)

I look at the photo above and I see a man who is calm - assured - confident. I imagine the Obama haters (ie. Bush/Cheney sympathizers) look at that same photo and think to themselves, "Why is he sitting down? Why isn't he pacing around the Oval Office and turning over the couch cushions looking for the Axis of Evil? Oh, Lord have mercy, are we all going to die?"

You know what I call that photo? A welcome change!

Sensational Super Bowl Snack!

2009-01-30T14:36:00.007-06:00

Going to a Super Bowl party?

Expected to bring something?

Admit it, you were going to bring that bean dip that you've been dragging around for generations, weren't you? Forget that!

Wow your fellow boob tube watching buddies with these ...

BACON WRAPPED WATER CHESTNUTS

So easy...so tasty...so sophisticated yet guest friendly and no utensils required!

Here's all you need ...

16 water chestnuts
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/3 cup brown sugar, or as needed
8 slices raw bacon, cut in half
16 toothpicks

Rinse and drain the water chestnuts then soak them in the soy sauce for 2 1/2 hours. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Remove the water chestnuts from the soy sauce and roll in the brown sugar. Wrap a piece of cut bacon around the water chestnut and secure with a toothpick.Place the water chestnuts in a shallow pan and bake for 30 minutes, turning them over once (You can also broil them for 5 to 6 minutes).

Mmmmmmm.

TOUCHDOWN!

In the News Today...

2009-01-26T15:22:00.002-06:00

Blago won't attend his own impeachment trial and instead appeared on "Oprah" and "The View." He admitted to Diane Sawyer that he almost appointed Oprah to fill Obama's senate seat.

Meanwhile, the ousted CEO of Merrill Lynch, John Thain, spent $1,200 on a wastebasket as part of the 1 million dollar makeover of his office last year. Now he says he'll pay it back. Whoop-dee-doo. He also spent $87,000 on an area rug and another $28,000 on office curtains. Now it's curtains for him. Too bad, so sad, don't let the $1,200 wastebasket hit you in the head on your way out you greedy bastard.

Today alone, Pfizer Inc., which is buying out another drugmaker Wyeth, is slashing 8,000 jobs. So is wireless provider Sprint Nextel Corp. Yes, another 8,000 jobs gone! Home Depot is dumping 7,000 employees. Caterpillar just cut 5,000 more positions and GM just announced it's laying off 2,000 workers and will cut production for two weeks. We're three weeks into 2009 and already tens of thousands of jobs have gone bye bye.

But among the most shocking revelations of this new age in which we live comes from the Girl Scouts of America. It's cookie time and in the spirit of full disclosure the Girl Scouts have admitted that rising production costs have forced them to reduce the size of each cookie box by 1 centimeter! This, of course, means less Thin Mints, fewer Do-Si-Dos and too too few Tagalongs to suit my taste.

OH, THE HUMANITY!

The Christmas that Was - A Fine Day Indeed

2008-12-28T15:46:00.003-06:00

I woke hours before the others, 4:15 to be exact and I lay presents beneath the tree and turned on the colored lights and lit every candle I could find. I sat and marveled at the peace in light that surrounded me. I put on a cd of Christmas music intermixed with sounds of nature.

All is calm. All is bright.

I read a story in the newspaper and here's the part that stays with me. It was about a struggling single mom with teenage daughters that got a helping hand. The generous benefactor said she took the girls shopping to buy a gift for their mother. And after they'd made their selection they said to her, "We're sorry. Can you help us? We don't know how to wrap it." It was the first gift they'd every given their Mom. It made my heart seize up for two reasons - 1. They apologized for not knowing how to wrap and 2. They didn't know how to wrap.

Before the sun came up on Christmas morning, I was given a glorious gift of perspective as well as a gift of weight. The weight of what matters. I greeted the sunrise, my children and my husband with a "Merry Christmas" and a full heart of gratitude for what I'd already received.

Oh Happy Day!

2008-11-05T16:29:00.003-06:00

The Seven Wonderful Cats!

2008-10-13T17:49:00.014-05:00

Oh my, such a long time since I last posted. Betty Lou has been most busy, I can assure you. And whenever I say "busy" I always think of that cartoon magician that the great comedian, Terry Thomas, played in "Frosty the Snowman" during which he said, "busy, busy, busy"
countless times.

Today, I rejoin you, friends, to tell you about my cats ... all seven of them. Yes, SEVEN! Even as a child, Betty Lou had the makings of being a crazy cat lady when she grew up. I've always loved cats and my favorite book as a little girl was a picture book called "The Seven Wonderful Cats." I still have it and now I live it. The only reason I'm not a crazy cat lady now is because, in addition to the cats, I have a husband and children. Only old maid spinsters can truly wear the label of crazy cat lady.

My cats range in age from 14 years to 9 weeks. They are:

Ernie ... who's a girl but I didn't know that when I named her "Ernie" so to make her feel more feminine I sometimes call her Princess Ernestina. She's the grand dame of the felines at 14. I don't have a favorite but if I did, she's it. I've always had a particular fondness for black cats.

Kassey ... A calico sweetheart who was literally thrust into my arms by a neighbor child several years ago. The child found Kassey dodging traffic in a busy street.

Scat ... Just over a year old, Scat has already borne two litters of kittens in her short life. She was a feral cat who lived outside our former apartment. It took me 7 months to get her to trust me enough to touch her. She became more affectionate when she was pregnant with her first litter and her kittens were born in the box I put on our patio. Scat is grey and white and has wise, knowing eyes. Of her first litter of three, one died. He was Mose and he had a spinal deformity and was teeny tiny. When he died at 8 weeks, I cried for him and me. Her other two kittens were -

Smokey Joe and Charley ... They're identical twins ... solid gray and now 6 months old. Because I can't tell them apart from any distance (it's only by their eyes and only up close) I call them "The Twins" or "The Boys." They're a little different in temperment. Charley is easier to purr and purrs in a higher pitch than Smokey Joe. They're both sweet and stick together like glue but secretly I wish they looked different because I would probably spend more time with each of them individually and develop a closer relationship than I have. But I love them just the same.

Rocky ... Rocky is the surviving kitten from Scat's second litter. (Scat got pregnant while she was still nursing her first litter and before I could capture her and get her to the vet to be spayed. By the time she gave birth to the litter in August we had moved from the apartment to a house and brought her with us. She stayed inside prior to and after her pregnancy and had good care. Still, four of her five kittens died in their third week of life. I think they all got an upper respiratory infection that is always fatal in newborns.) That's one of the reasons Rocky is Rocky. He's a champ; an adventerous soul whose energy knows no bounds. He's just 9 weeks old, white and black (note I didn't say black and white for there's more white than black.) and, despite a firm agreement between my husband and I that we would find a good home for him when he was weaned, neither of us has brought it up again. Rocky's been weaned for weeks now. I adore him.

And finally ...

B.W. ... a black and white cat who was another feral cat who hung around our apartment. She was a tiny kitten when I first saw her and travelled with her mother, who finally left her with us. I guess Mom knew she'd get food at our place. When Scat had her first litter, B.W. was there as a second mom. She cleaned the newborns, cuddled with them when Scat went off for short periods of time and came to be a great playmate for Charley and Smokey. But she never let me near her. I've never touched B.W. When we moved to our new house and took B.W.'s "family" from her, I knew she'd never make it on her own. I borrowed a live trap from the police department and figured I'd have no trouble trapping her with a can of cat food. All it would take was her stepping on the lever to close the cage behind her as she was eating. I figured wrong. I'll be danged if she didn't put one foot in front of the lever and one foot behind and eat the food at an odd angle. How did she know? I went back to our old apartment 4 nights in a row and tried the same trick until finally she tripped the lever. She went crazy in the cage but I brought the cage into our fenced in backyard and let her out. That night we had a ferocious thunderstorm and I feared she'd be long gone by morning but she was there and has been there ever since, happy to be reunited with Charley and Smokey. She and Scat were very close but now they had to be close through the window. Scat was still inside until I could get her spayed and she'd stare out while B.W. stared in. When Scat had her kittens and two of them had black and white coloring I wondered whether B.W. could be a "he." I'd never heard of a male cat nurturing newborn kittens but I got my answer once Scat was spayed and recovered and we let her outside finally to be reunited with B.W. Within a short time I caught him trying to mount her. Yes, B.W. is a male and while he's accepted that Scat is no longer "in the game," they still act like lovesick teenagers together. I also realize that B.W. is Rocky's Dad and they too, play together along with Smokey Joe and Charley.

Now to the drama - the week that the newborns were dying, one on Friday, the next on Wednesday, then Thursday then Friday again ... Ernie was dying too. She'd come down with the upper respiratory infection and gotten sick very quickly. I took her to the Vet who said she had a temperature of 102 (high for a cat) but that she'd be fine. he gave her a shot of penicillin, sent me home with amoxicillin to give her twice a day and said to bring her back if she worsened. That cost me $85 which was a bit of a shock and more than Betty Lou could realistically afford. Within 12 hours, Ernie was worse and she deteriorated over the next several days. She stopped eating so I rubbed canned food against her gums and tried getting syringes filled with kitten formula into her. She fought it all. Her eyes became glazed, her hair lost all its lustre and became matted with the food I was trying to force into her despite my best efforts to clean her. It's amazing how a cat can look when it stops grooming itself. She simply lay in what looked to be an uncomforable position under my sons' dresser and labored to breathe. Every morning I dreaded finding her dead. Six days after I took her to the Vet it was apparent she was fading away. I didn't even try to give her the amoxicillin. Why bother. I lay down on the floor and stroked her and told her goodbye and cried and wondered how I'd move past her death. There were five other cats to take her place but I knew that not one of them could come close. I finally went to bed, still crying. The next morning she was still alive. I stopped on my way home from work that day and bought a shovel. To bury her. When I got home and steeled myself to recover her body I found her still ... and better. She had definitely improved. It was her eyes. They were her eyes again, not sick eyes. I measured her medicine into the syringe and started to open her mouth to inject it in. But she stopped me. Ernie reached out her paw and dug her claws into my wrist and literally pushed my arm away from her. Aha! It finally dawned on me. The medicine was making her sicker. The medicine was killing her. I didn't give her another drop and in the following days Ernie got better. She was horribly gaunt and still sneezing like crazy but she was breathing without making it seem hard. I continued to rub food against her gums because cats won't eat if they can't smell their food. And the stronger she got, the more water she drank and finally she started eating food again.

Today, a month later, she's back to her old, ornery, lovable self. She's used up all nine of her lives now, I fear. But I don't fear much. Ernie beat every odd against her and won. She's my champion.

Next, in the coming days .... more drama ... I went away and Kassey went missing.

More Tips on Improving Your Diction

2008-08-16T18:11:00.004-05:00

Betty Lou has noticed that a particular post from August 11, 2006 has been receiving the most hits on this blog. That post is entitled "Repeat Each Phrase Rapidcly to Improve Your Diction." Betty Lou has also noticed that people from all around the world have clicked on that post. I imagine these folks are trying to learn to speak English to the best of their ability. So along that vein and in the spirit of helping people sound their best and clearest in their diction, I offer some more tongue twisters and a few tips to help improve diction and articulation.

Begin saying the phrases slowly, clearly voicing each vowel and consonant.

Repeat each phrase until you feel comfortable saying it before moving on to the next phrase.

After you've "mastered" each phrase, try complicating it by first, holding your tongue while you speak. Yes, it will sound terribly garbled but it will also point out to yourself where the tongue must be to properly pronounce the words.

Then, say the phrases with your tongue firmly planted behind your top two front teeth. Again, this will garble your phrases but will help you concentrate on how they should sound.

Good luck and happy speaking!

Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.

Greek grapes.

Peggy Babcock.

Sixish.

Plague-bearing prairie dogs.

Girl gargoyle, guy gargoyle.

Six slippery snails, slid slowly seaward.

Selfish shellfish.

Note: I have added another post with vocal exercises and warm-up techniques that you should utilize before you practice the tongue twisters. I also listed drinks to avoid when speaking as they can inhibit your vocal production. This post is called "And Yet More Tips to Improve Your Diction" and was posted March 1, 2009 on this blog.

White Noise

2008-08-09T18:51:00.002-05:00

I wish I could go into a coccoon for the next two and a half months to escape it, or barring that, go through my day with my hands covering my ears and screaming "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA" to block out the sound of politicians and handlers and pundits and everyone else who thinks what they have to say is important, bleating about nothing! Nothing! Obama plays the race card ... McCain is out of touch ... mainstream America ... Michelle is ugly ... Cindy's had plastic surgery ... McCain had an affair ... Obama had a minister who sides with Satan ... McCain is a war monger ... Edwards had an affair and told his wife two years ago but now he's telling us so it's more important ... Hillary's upsetting the convention ... Blah - Blah-Blahblahblah.

It's white noise. It's meaningless and when the history books are written, none of this crap will be included because no one will care. And no one should care about what the media is frothing at the mouth over to fill their news cycles.

Wait until the debates. The first one is September 26. Leave the McCain/Obama baggage at the door and watch these two men with refreshed eyes and an open mind and a desire to learn where they stand on the issues.

Oh, and in the meantime ... listen to some music and relax. Perhaps George Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue," some Simon and Garfunkle, Fats Waller, Mozart, Bruce Springsteen, whatever soothes your soul.

The Rescue of Ingrid Betancourt

2008-07-03T11:31:00.005-05:00

Has there ever been a better example of "a picture is worth a thousand words?"

The details of her rescue and the rescue of 14 others is the stuff from which epic films are made and adventure novels are written.

Only this is/was real life with real sorrow and fear and the passing of day after day after year after year with thoughts that had to dance with hopelessness.

But the resolution is evidenced in the picture above.

A classic happy ending.

Breathtaking in its simplicity and magnitude.

Peace and love win!

Hallelujah!

Will There Be Hope Tomorrow?

2008-05-15T18:34:00.002-05:00

The cyclone in Myanmar and the government's refusal to allow in relief workers ...

The earthquake in China and the collapsed middle school with hundreds of students' bodies waiting to be identified and mourned over ...

It's more than my heart can bear.
It's too much for my spirit to spring back from.
Words such as "tragic" and "devastating" don't begin to address the pain. Raw grief for those I don't know and never will.
Yet, I do know them for they are human beings.
Me too and I hurt because of it.
I know there is peace somewhere.
For the dead, there is peace.
It's those left behind who won't find it.
Not for a long, long time.
In the meantime, we cry.

The Best Cheesecake You'll Ever Make!

2008-04-16T16:46:00.004-05:00

This New York style cheesecake takes some work but is more than worth the effort. Make this cheesecake when you have a lot of friends over because it's so rich and satisfying that a small piece is all you need. And don't dump canned cherries or strawberries swimming in sugary glaze on it. Serve it plain, as is. It's art on a plate in its simplicity.

Crust:
1/2 cup soft butter
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 egg yolks
1 1/4 cup flour
1/3 cup sugar
Mix all the ingredients and push the crust into a tall spring form cheesecake pan and up the sides as well. This is what takes some time as the crust is crumbly and you have to press hard against the sides to get the crust to stick.

Batter:
48 ounces of cream cheese (beat with mixture until soft)
Add 4 eggs and 2 egg yokes
Add 2 cups sugar
Add 1/2 cup flour and a dash of salt
Add 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
Add 1/4 cup whipping cream
Pour into pan and bake at 400 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes.Turn down temperature to 300 degrees for 30 to 40 minutes. The cake is done when it cracks three times . (I was skeptical of this when first told that the cake must crack three times but it will happen, o yea of little faith.)

Was it MURDERRRRRRRRRRR?!?!?

2008-03-31T17:58:00.004-05:00

Margie comes home from work carrying a bag of groceries, grabs the mail out of the mailbox and enters her home through the front door. On her way to the kitchen, she walks through the living room and greets her husband, "Hi Gus" even though Gus is dead, having shot himself in the head and blowing his brains out. Margie calmly continues into the kitchen where she puts away the groceries, goes through the mail and cooks dinner.

What don't you know that Margie does?

The answer is below but don't peek until you've made a good guess.

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A. Gus killed himself a long time ago. His ashes are in an urn that sits on the fireplace mantle that Margie greets as she passes through the living room.

2008-03-22T18:17:00.001-05:00

Here Comes Peter Cottontail In Your Easter Bonnet and on the Third Day He Rose From the Dead!

2008-03-22T17:56:00.002-05:00

Fred Astaire dances.

Children hunt for candy filled eggs.

Ladies purchase a new go-to-church outfit complete with hat.

Jesus rises from the dead and ascends into Heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father.

Everybody eats ham.

Happy Easter!

"Danny Boy" IS Irish

2008-03-17T16:04:00.003-05:00

"Danny Boy" is a beautiful, haunting anthem of love lost. It's gentle and sweet and poetic in its simplicity. Yes, it 'tis. Does the fact that the lyrics were written by an Englishman who never set foot in Ireland diminish its power to move one?

Not a chance.

Still, this year Shaun Clancy, owner of Foley's New York Pub and Restaurant, gained, not a wee bit, but a whole lot of publicity by saying he was banning "Danny Boy" from his bar on St. Patrick's Day. Why? Shaun said, "It's overplayed, it's been ranked among the 25 most depressing songs of all time, and it's more appropriate for a funeral than for a St. Patrick's Day celebration." And Mr. Clancy didn't like the fact that it was written by an Englishman.

Betty Lou's take on it is this - Celebrating St. Patrick's Day means acknowledging and recognizing and celebrating the entire culture of a people who have known great hardship and communicate their heart and spirit through word and song and poetry. It isn't only Yeats who is known for his lyricism. Lyrics are the language of Ireland. And even though Fred E. Weatherly never visited Ireland before or after he wrote "Danny Boy," it doesn't matter. Ireland visited him and he wrote the song in that country's native tongue.

The version above is sung by The King's Singers. I know nothing of them, only that they sing "Danny Boy" with the intent and honesty with which I believe it was written.

Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day to you and yours.
From Betty Lou and hers.

Out of Touch, Out of Line, Out of her Mind

2008-03-11T17:25:00.002-05:00

Who is this horrible woman and who, exactly does she think she's representing? Listen to her rant then come back here and we'll talk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFxk7glmMbo&eurl

Betty Lou is a heterosexual. Always have been. Not that it matters. Especially in this argument. Why is it that the self-rightous who bleat about homosexual agendas and indoctrination and brainwashing and "but but the bible says" mantra don't ever look in the mirror? There they'd see the face of a sheep who listens to their pastor or preacher or supposed religious advisor as if he himself is God handing down the way it is, in person. Why don't they recognize the nasty agenda, indoctrination and brainwashing that they've fallen prey to all in the name of GOD?

When did God die and leave the gay bashers in charge? Why does any human being think it's their responsibility to police the morality of the rest of us? Is this woman who speaks, and others like her, so arrogant as to think God can't handle this world on his own? Do they feel personally deputized by the Lord? What nonsense.

This is an excuse to hate.

To hate those you fear.

To hate those you fear you are or might be.

Hate = Fear (does not equal) Right.

Here's a prescription for how to make our world better,

How to make God take notice and smile (but of course my God is always smiling)

Love=Compassion=Peace=Love=God.

Get it?

Good.

Now live it.

Another Person Who Mattered ... a whole lot.

2008-02-29T16:10:00.004-06:00

Her name was Sandra Jensen and she was an advocate for people with disabilities. She was a public speaker and her words were eloquent; her throughts expressed with depth and understanding of not only her own limitations but her vast abilities. Sandra was also the first person with Down syndrome ever to receive a heart and lung transplant.

It wasn't easy. She was denied the life-saving surgery by several hospitals in California. They thought her life wasn't as important as someone "normal" or "smarter." Of course, they never said that out loud. They didn't have to. It was too obvious. A man named Dr. William Bronston, spoke up on Sandra's behalf. A state rehabilitation administrator, Bronston exposed the small-mindedness of small-minded doctors.

A tiny uproar ensued and got a little bigger until the California Assembly took notice of Sandra Jensen who wanted nothing more than a shot at a longer life. A bill was passed that would keep dumb doctors from discriminating against disabled people who need transplants.

Not only did Sandra Jensen get her heart and lung transplant, she became a hero in the process. She also got a 16 month lease on life. When she passed away at the age of 36 it was from neurological complications.

It doesn't matter so much to me that Sandra died a year and a half after her transplants. It's how she lived that inspires. As I said, she was an eloquent speaker. She talked about what it was like to have Down syndrome, how people looked at her. And she spoke of her triumphs. But in an interview with her I read in Good Housekeeping in 1997 (the year she died) she said something that broke my heart and continues to break it everytime I remember.

(Paraphrasing) - she said that sometimes she had dreams that she was normal and she'd run and dance and be really smart and happy and then she'd wake up and realize that she had Down syndrome and be returned to a life lived with limitations.

Sandra Jensen pushed past her limitations to declare to anyone who would listen that she was worthy of a new heart and lungs. She told us that she mattered.

No kidding.

There Will Be Oscar

2008-02-23T20:33:00.002-06:00

Daniel Day-Lewis will win an Oscar tomorrow night. Of this I'm so sure that if he doesn't take home a golden statue, Betty Lou will eat her hat (that very attractive, yet modest number in my profile photo).

Words escape me in describing his performance in "There Will Be Blood" so I'll just say that it is probably the best performance I've seen in my lifetime. That is surely saying something since Betty Lou is ... ahem ... well, let's just say I'm mature. I've posted these two pictures of him (one as Daniel Plainview) the other of Lewis at an awards show this year. There isn't much of a resemblance but it's the difference in the quality of his voice between himself and as Plainview that is simply astounding.

I like it when the Oscar goes to the actor with the best performance of the year. He is that actor. And then some.

SIMPLE Crock Pot Chili ... It's good!

2008-02-12T18:16:00.005-06:00

It's time for another sure-fire recipe from Betty Lou's green plastic recipe box. Now, mind you, I'm not much of a cook so when I find something that's easy to make and tastes good, you better believe I'm going to share my "find" with those in search of "easy" and "tastes good." I make this chili for my husband and myself so it feeds two generously. Just double or triple or fourful or - uh - well, you know what I mean. Without further ado -

******

Crockpot Chili for Two!

Brown 3/4 pounds of hamburger and drain. Throw it into a crock pot.

Then throw in these ingredients:

1 (15 ounce) can of mild chili beans (I use Bush's)

1 (16 ounce) jar of mild salsa (I use the no-name generic, cheap stuff) Go to Medium if you like your chili to bite you.

1/4 cup of water

1 tablespoon (or so) of brown sugar

Stir it all up...put on the lid and turn the crockpot on low for 6-8 hours or high for 4 hours or less. If you're in a hurry you can cook it on the stove - hot at first, then simmer for an hour.

*****

Now, my dear darling husband likes to eat his chili with saltines or oyster crackers. Me? I like my chili topped with Fritos. "Ai-yi-yi-yi. I am the Frito Bandito." Oops. Betty Lou is dating herself. Pay me no never mind and go make yourself some Crockpot Chili for Two ... or more and enjoy!

Images of People Who Matter(ed)

2008-02-07T18:59:00.000-06:00

It Seems I Have a Life

2008-01-24T18:37:00.000-06:00

Betty Lou just came to a startling revelation. It would appear that if someone challenged me to, "Get a life," I could reply with full confidence, "I've got one, thanks." How did I come about this notion of taking ownership of one's own hours spent breathing?

Because I don't know what's happening on "American Idol." I haven't a clue. The television hasn't been on long enough for me to see Simon Scowl for even a milisecond. I don't know what body parts Britney is flashing this week or who's the target of her umbrella bashing. I don't even know how brutally Hillary and Barack and John are being skewered by some FOX sewer rat for having an idea. Betty Lou learned long ago that when anyone who isn't a Republican has an idea, they are immediately accused of being either:

A) unpatriotic

B) a global warming wacko tree hugger

C) out of touch with the American mainstream or just plain reality

D) all of the above.

But I digress ...

My recent days and hours have been spent working, enjoying my children, talking with my husband, reading and watching old episodes of "Northern Exposure." Thank goodness for quality tv shows that can be viewed on dvd.

I did pause to feel sadness over the unexpected passing of Heath Ledger. He should have won the Oscar. It was his for the taking only someone else took it. I don't even know who. Denzel? I saw his ex-fiance and daughter trying to get out of a car and go into their home. But they were invaded by cameras and reporters and shovers who robbed the mournful of their ability to grieve in their own manner. So off the television went again. And off it shall stay.

For now.

For I have a life.

See This Movie ...

2008-01-12T16:10:00.000-06:00

It's my favorite movie in a long, long time.

Incredible casting, magnificent acting, remarkable writing, inspired direction.

It warmed my heart and broke it at the same time.

Funny.

Funny.

Funny.

It plays too glib at first.

Don't worry.

Just wait.

Ellen Page oughta get the Oscar. And if she doesn't get it this year, she will some year. Her star is bright - a super nova of talent.

Really, Trust me. See this movie!

There's No Crying in Baseball ... or POLITICS!

2008-01-07T16:49:00.000-06:00

Sure, we all know the rules of the game. There's no crying in baseball. Good rule. A keeper. Someone should tell Hillary Rodham Clinton that there is also no crying in p0litics. Perhaps some will be swayed that this once vibrant and exciting candidate let her emotions shine through. Only I don't believe they were her emotions at all . Betty Lou believes Senator Clinton's tears were manufactured for effect.

"It's not easy, and I couldn't do it if I didn't passionately believe it was the right thing to do. (BOO HOO) You know, I have so many opportunities from this country just don't want to see us fall backwards (WEEP WEEP) ... You know, this is very personal for me. It's not just political it's not just public. I see what's happening, and we have to reverse it (BAWL BAWL) ... Some people think elections are a game, lot's of who's up or who's down, [but] it's about our country , it's about our kids' futures, and it's really about all of us together (SNIFF SNIFF) ... You know, some of us put ourselves out there and do this against some pretty difficult odds, and we do it, each one of us because we care about our country but some of us are right and some of us are wrong, some of us are ready and some of us are not, some of us know what we will do on day one and some of us haven't thought that through enough (WAH WAH)... And so when we look at the array of problems we have and the potential for it really spinning out of control, this is one of the most important elections American has ever faced."

(PUH-LEAZE) (PUH-LEAZE)

In Honor of These Frigid Temperatures of the New Year ...

2008-01-02T18:37:00.000-06:00

(Photo c 1998-2008 Trengove Studios, Inc.)

It was so cold . . .Grandpa’s teeth were chattering - in the glass!

It was so cold . . .the dogs were wearing cats!

It was so cold . . .we had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.

It was so cold . . .when we milked the cows, we got ice cream! When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!

It was so cold . . .words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!

It was so cold . . .the politicians had their hands in their OWN pockets!

It was so cold . . .Richard Simmons started wearing pants!

It was so cold . . .the muggers were phoning in sick!

It was so cold . . .the snowman knocked on the door and asked to sleep on the couch!

It was so cold . . .a flasher rushed up to poor Mrs. Flannigan - and described himself!

Betty Lou Boycotts the New Year!

2007-12-31T08:46:00.001-06:00

I'm not a fan of New Year's Eve or New Year's Day.

I don't enjoy excuses to get pie-eyed and stupid drunk.

I reject resolution-making on December 31st.

Why?

Because January 1 doesn't feel like the start of a new year. I don't feel a natural transistion from winter into more winter.

Even at the start of spring, when everything is new and blooming, it doesn't feel like the time when I want to be born anew.

For me, it's autumn. Shifting from lazy summer days into the work mode of fall gives me pause to reflect and assess and plan and make resolutions. The children go back to school and Betty Lou gets focused on the future.

So, I've already broken my resolutions for they were made months ago.

I'm going to bed early tonight. I'd just as soon greet 2008 during daylight hours.

2007-12-29T21:04:00.000-06:00

Four days before the Iowa Caucuses here are the men and woman who want to be our next President:

Mike Huckabee

Hillary Clinton

Mitt Romney

Barack Obama

Rudolph Giuliani

Fred Thompson

John Edwards

John McCain

Dennis Kucinich

Chris Dodd

Joe Biden

Ron Paul

Bill Richardson

I may have forgotten one or two. It would be easy to forget a few. There are so many ... so many who are undeserving. Only one gets my willing vote ... if he/she is still around next November.

Christmas was Lovely ...

2007-12-27T16:18:00.000-06:00

... and peaceful and joyous and robust and tiring and relaxing and intense and noisy and all things that coincide with matters of the heart and soul. The usual letdown of December 26th didn't arrive and though my spirit has settled down, my heartstrings are still wrapped around my children and their devotion to all things merry and bright.

A New Twist on an Old Tale.

2007-12-15T19:18:00.001-06:00

When Betty Lou's son was just a tiny little lad, he asked his mother one day while sitting in the grocery cart in the middle of assorted sundries,

"Mommy, what's a peg leg?"

"A peg leg?" I repeated it back to him to ascertain that I had heard correctly.

"A peg leg," he repeated.

"Well, a peg leg is something a pirate might have. It means that someone has lost his leg and it has been replaced with a wooden stump so the person can still walk." And then, because I had to know why I asked him,

"Why did you want to know what a peg leg is?" In complete earnestness he looked up at me and said,

"It's from that poem ... you know ... about Santa ..." Huh? I didn't have a clue until he added as explanation -

"... a bundle of toys he had flung on his back and he looked like a peg leg just opening his pack."

The End.

JOY to the World!

2007-12-14T12:00:00.000-06:00

Tis the season ... fa la la la la la la la la ... the snow is fallin' and friends are callin' "yoo hoo!" ... ransom captive Israel ... baby, it's cold outside ... when you kiss your little baby you've kissed the face of God ... hear the snow crunch, see the kids bunch ... pa rum pum pum ... and he looked like a peddlar just opening his pack ... eleven pipers piping ... we want some figgy pudding ... in exelsis de-o ... o come let us adore him ... star of wonder, star of night ... Santa Claus is coming to town ... love and joy come to you ... later on we'll conspire as we dream by the fire ... fum, fum, fum ... and to all a good night.

Autumn Bliss!

2007-11-14T17:19:00.001-06:00

A kiss of red

A hug of orange

A headlock of gold

A squat thrust of brown

A batting of the eyes of green

Ahhhhh. Autumn bliss.

A Recipe for When Friends are Coming Over...

2007-09-12T14:14:00.000-05:00

My dear friend, Harriet, made this dish on New Year's Eve when she'd invite a house full of people. She made the chicken and the rice and the guests would bring the other ingredients. Just put it all out on a table and let people top with whatever and in the order they'd like.

Snow on the Mountain

Make a big pot of creamed chicken (don't ask me how)

Make a big pot of steamed rice (you should know how)

Toppings

chopped tomatoes,

scallions or chopped white onions,

chow mein noodles

chopped celery

green olives

shredded Cheddar cheese

crushed or tidbits of pineapple

sliced almonds

diced green peppers

raisins

mandarin oranges

coconut (that's the snow!)

Easy on the Eyes

2007-09-03T10:42:00.000-05:00

Two Years Later ...

2007-08-25T07:30:00.000-05:00

This week marks the 2nd anniversary that Hurricane Katrina slammed into the gulf coast. Betty Lou visited Ground Zero (Bay St. Louis, MS) just last weekend for the first time. It's a sad place, still almost an open wound that won't scab over. Buildings droop and appear to be taking refuge in the weeds and undergrowth that is now overgrowth. But amid the forgotten structures is life, even celebration. As I drove along the waterfront I passed St. Stanislaus College, a presitgious Catholic High School for boys and there was a cook-out going on. Lots of boys and their families filled the sparse front lawn while others played on the beach and in the gulf of Mexico, as dark and murky as it appeared to me.

The lesson of the day? Life goes on. Even spirited and hopeful lives can apparently thrive in an environment still cowering with regret and resignation.

2007-08-04T19:41:00.000-05:00

An ocean away is the ocean.
Me against the waves.

Swimming towards them,

Through them,

Instead of with them.

I wish for murky salt water

That, when swallowed,

Gives me barnacle breath.

A lifetime away is the ocean.

Me, a child at the beach club.

Hardboiled eggs and

Sandwiches from home.

One hour before I can go

Back into the sea.

60 minutes is long, long eternity.

Wooden boardwalks end at hot sand.

Wet suits hang on pegs in tiny room

One mom, four kids, no ceiling, change.

Every day, all day at the beach.

I wish for waves peppered with salt

That, when crested,

Ease their passenger towards shore.

I wish for a summer routine

From forty plus years ago.

I wish for a child's perspective of

A Very BIG ocean.

Crank It Up a Notch!

2007-07-22T16:42:00.000-05:00

Betty Lou's got a new place to live

..a new job

...a new schedule

...a new ATTITUDE!

I'm sprucing up my look,

my Do,

my Duds,

my Cred.

What's going to look good on me?

Melancholy

2007-07-03T18:27:00.000-05:00

It's how I feel today.

What color is Melancholy?

What does it look like? This painting entitled "Melancholy" is from 1620 ... Whose skull do you suppose that is? His lover's? His mother's? his brother's? Melancholy?!!? Why isn't he depressed, even suicidal?

What texture is "Melancholy?" I think maybe plain brown wrapping paper, like the kind you use to wrap a package going to the Post Office.

What does "Melancholy" smell like? Lima beans.

What does "Melancholy" taste like? An oyster cracker. Just one, that was left out overnight.

What does "Melancholy" feel like? Dull and distant. It's as though your heart and spirit are wearing a heavy woolen coat but it's raining and the wool is absorbing the moisture, making the coat heavier and unnecessary.

Melancholy ... it isn't jolly.

Fats Waller - Genius Man

2007-06-25T17:21:00.000-05:00

Betty Lou was thinking of Fats Waller today. Sometimes, the funniest things just pop into my head. Only this time, Mr. Waller stayed there and sang to me some of his glorious songs. Equal parts music, equal parts lyrics, the music of Fats Waller is music forever and ever. Honeysuckle Rose, Handful of Keys, Ain't Misbehavin', Keepin' Out of Mischief Now and T'Ain't Nobody's Biz-ness If I Do ... Brilliant! Even the titles are spectacular because they were written in the vernacular! (There, a little poem for Thomas Wright Waller). But, my very favorite song because it's so seductive and so soothing and so sexy and so so good is

The Jitterbug Waltz ...

The night is getting on

The band is getting slow

The crowd is almost gone

But here we are still dancing

Nothing to do, but waltz

Our feet can barely move

My legs are yelling "Whoa"

But we're in such a groove

And love is still advancing

Nothing to do, but waltz

You can't suggest that we could go on jitterbugging

No bugging

We've nothing left for moves more strenuous than hugging

Just hugging

But we don't need much room to gently cut-a-rug in, we two

We're dead on our feet

And the sauce is repeatin'

But what can you do?

I tried another juice

And get from head to toe

My body's feeling loose

And warm and kind of supple

Nothing to do, but waltz

My man would slip away

My arms just won't let go

I think I'd like to stay,

Till we're the only couple

Nothing to do, but waltz

You never know how far this sort of thing can get you

One never knows, one never, never knows

We're not as tired as we would like to think,

I bet youYou stay up half the night with me, if I would let you

Yes

So come, let the waltz play again.

The Price is Right or is It Rosie?

2007-06-17T08:16:00.000-05:00

Everybody knows that The Price is Right is right up Rosie’s alley, right? When Rosie O’Donnell had her own afternoon talk show, she loved to give away free stuff to her studio audiences. She even fed them Drakes Cakes and chocolate milk as they waited in line to get in. Not just the "Hostess with the Mostess," Rosie’s a giver. She’s repeatedly told us on her blog that she really, really wants Bob Barker’s job. And when it was suggested by a reader that she’d give prizes to the losers as well as the winner, Ro replied, “yes I would like to add a conselation (sic) prize for all losers and gift bags for the audience.”

Hey, with that kind of attitude what potential contestant among us wouldn’t want to shout to the show’s producers “BRING ROSIE ON DOWN!” The former queen of nice is no dummy. She knows better than to work her anti-Bush agenda into a game show format. But I sure as heck would want to watch her try. That would be gooooooood television. There’s always the possibility that she could close each show with a “Bring ‘Em Home” or a one word chant, “IMPEACH!”

And now Bob Barker himself is sorta, kinda endorsing Rosie O’Donnell for the job saying he knows she could do it. He also suggested that the producers will be having a meeting with Rosie. Hmmmmm. If I were one of Barker’s Beauties, I’d be shaking in my 6-inch heels right about now.

People I Wish Were Still Here Among Us ....

2007-06-12T20:20:00.000-05:00

Tony Soprano - Shakespearean in Nature

2007-06-11T21:12:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,

To the last syllable of recorded time;

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death.

Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more: it is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing."

--From Macbeth (V, v, 19)

For Mother's Day ...

2007-05-12T11:58:00.000-05:00

Betty Lou's alter ego used to write a newspaper column. The following appeared in a newspaper last May and best expresses my feelings about my own mother and the day that honors everyones' Mother. (The much-loved painting above is called "La Toilette" or "The Bath"and was painted by Mary Cassatt c.1891.)

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day has just passed and, for me, it always comes and goes with a small dose of melancholy. I’ve been a mother for nine and a half years and in that respect Mother’s Day is a blast. But I’ve been without my own mother for almost thirty years.

Her name was Charlotte and she succumbed to breast cancer when she was 49 years old. She was 44 when she discovered a lump in her breast in late fall. Her doctor told her they could wait until after the holidays to do anything so as not to disrupt her life. There was no sense of urgency about her condition and it wasn’t until March that she went in to have the lump removed. When she awoke from surgery she was without her breast, her uterus and a portion of her lymph nodes. It was a rude awakening at the very least.

My teenaged years were often sad and lonely because of my mother’s cancer. Not only was she facing the biggest challenge of her life; my father sunk into a deep depression over his inability to help her get better. There were still happy times to be sure but those years were mostly defined by fear and confusion and finally, grief.

So, I save Mother’s Day as a time to honor her memory and to remember her. My mom was not a demonstrative woman and I don’t remember her showering any of us four children with affection but I still felt loved. She was a good conversationalist and she’d talk about her dreams beyond being a mom. She also spoke with a certain amount of resignation. It’s as if she knew time wasn’t on her side. You see, when Charlotte was 16 years old she made a promise to herself that she’d buy herself a mink coat on her 50th birthday as a reward just for getting there. She told me that, even as a girl, she was pretty sure she’d never wear that coat. She was right. She passed away 6 months before her 50th birthday.

Now, I’m 6 months away from my 50th birthday. I’m going to outlive my mother. I’ve lived longer without her than with her and sometimes I ache with regret that I couldn’t’ know her as an adult. How I would love to talk to her about marriage and children and faith and the future. I’d love to know what kind of grandparent she would have made. And the questions I wish I could ask her just keep coming. Questions about her youth, my youth, incidents that I only half remember, her recipe for that pumpkin custard pie I loved …

I’m sometimes reminded that I am my mother’s daughter. There are things she used to do that angered me or mortified me and there were characteristics she possessed that would drive me up the wall. Of course those are the very characteristics that I now call my own. But that’s OK. I look forward to carrying my mother with me as I enter a phase of life she never got to experience.

What do John Davidson and Turtle Brownies Have in Common?

2007-04-28T18:45:00.000-05:00

In 1989 I cut a brownie recipe out of TV Guide because the picture of the brownies looked really good. I think I probably didn't actually make the brownies for another ten years or so. Too bad I waited because this recipe which I'm about to share with you are the best brownies ever ... did you hear me? EVER!!!

They're called "John Davidson's Turtle Brownies" and I think the recipe was in TV Guide because John and his wife Rhonda were co-hosts, at the time, of TNN's "Holiday Gourmet."

I toyed with the idea of claiming the recipe was mine. I mean, come on, it's been 18 years. I was going to call them "Betty Lou's - I died and Went to Heaven and St. Peter Handed m Some of These Turtle Brownies and Boy, Are They Good" but that wouldn't be right now, would it?

So, here, without shame and with a clear conscience, I give you the recipe for "John Davidson's Turtle Brownies:"

1 14 oz. package of caramels

2/3 cup evaporated milk

1 box (18 1/2 oz.) German chocolate cake mix

3/4 cup softened margarine

1 cup nuts (walnuts and/or pecans)

12 oz. semisweet chocolate chips

Combine caramels and 1/3 cup evaporated milk on top of double boiler (when's the last time you heard "double boiler?"). Stir mixture until melted.

Combine cake mix, remaining milk and softened margarine. Blend until mixture holds together. Stir in nuts. Press half of cake mixture in a greased 13x9 inch pan and bake for six minutes at 350 degrees. Remove from oven and sprinkle chocolate chips on top. Pour melted caramel evenly over top. Crumble remaining mix over caramel and bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes. Cool slightely and cut into bars.

How many kabillion calories? I have no idea. No one cared about calories in 1989. We were all too busy blow drying our big hair and pulling up our leg warmers. Forget the calories for once and enjoy. I promise they're worth it.

And thank you John Davidson where ever you are.

Amaze Your Friends!!!!

2007-04-26T18:17:00.000-05:00

Betty Lou wants everyone to lighten up for a minute or two and try this. It's mystifying. It's stupefying. It's sure to have you scratching your head and impressing everyone you know. AND it's soooooo simple. Ready?

You must be sitting. Lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT!

(Cue Twilight Zone music here)

If Lies Were Like Horses ...

2007-04-24T16:34:00.000-05:00

The story below was posted online today ... I react with equal measures of heartbreak and rage. Enough is enough. The crazies are running the asylum and they're completely off their meds. Call 9-1-1 STAT!

WASHINGTON - An Army Ranger who was with Pat Tillman when the former football star died by friendly fire said Tuesday he was told by a higher-up to conceal that information from Tillman's brother. "I was ordered not to tell him," U.S. Army Spc. Bryan O'Neal told the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. He said he was given the order by then-Lt. Col. Jeff Bailey, the battalion commander who oversaw Tillman's platoon.

Pat Tillman's brother Kevin was in a convoy behind his brother when the incident happened, but didn't see it. O'Neal said Bailey told him specifically not to tell Kevin Tillman that the death was friendly fire rather than heroic engagement with the enemy.

"He basically just said, sir, that uh, 'Do not let Kevin know, he's probably in a bad place knowing that his brother's dead,'" O'Neal said. He added that Bailey made clear he would "get in trouble" if he told. Kevin Tillman was not in the hearing room when O'Neal spoke.
In earlier testimony, Kevin Tillman accused the military of "intentional falsehoods" and "deliberate and careful misrepresentations" in portraying Pat Tillman's death in
Afghanistan as the result of heroic engagement with the enemy instead of friendly fire.
"We believe this narrative was intended to deceive the family but more importantly the American public," Kevin Tillman told a House Government Reform and Oversight Committee hearing. "Pat's death was clearly the result of fratricide," he said, contending that the military's misstatements amounted to "fraud."

"Revealing that Pat's death was a fratricide would have been yet another political disaster in a month of political disasters ... so the truth needed to be suppressed," Tillman said.
The committee's chairman, Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif., accused the government of inventing "sensational details and stories" about Pat Tillman's death and the 2003 rescue of Jessica Lynch, perhaps the most famous victims of the Afghanistan and Iraq wars.

"The government violated its most basic responsibility," said Waxman. Lynch, then an Army private, was badly injured when her convoy was ambushed in Iraq. She was subsequently rescued by American troops from an Iraqi hospital but the tale of her ambush was changed into a story of heroism on her part. Still hampered by her injuries, Lynch walked slowly to the witness table and took a seat alongside Tillman's family members.

"The bottom line is the American people are capable of determining their own ideals of heroes and they don't need to be told elaborate lies," Lynch said. Kevin Tillman said his family has sought for years to get at the truth, and have now concluded that they were "being actively thwarted by powers that are more interested in protecting a narrative than getting at the truth and seeing justice is served." Lawmakers questioned how high up the chain of command the information about Tillman's friendly fire death went, and whether anyone in the White House knew before Tillman's family. "How high up did this go?" asked Waxman.
Pat Tillman's mother, Mary Tillman, said she believed former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld must have known. "The fact that he would have died by friendly fire and no one told Rumsfeld is ludicrous," she said.

Tillman was killed on April 22, 2004, after his Army Ranger comrades were ambushed in eastern Afghanistan. Rangers in a convoy trailing Tillman's group had just emerged from a canyon where they had been fired upon. They saw Tillman and mistakenly fired on him.
Though dozens of soldiers knew quickly that Tillman had been killed by his fellow troops, the Army said initially that he was killed by enemy gunfire when he led his team to help another group of ambushed soldiers. The family was not told what really happened until May 29, 2004, a delay the Army blamed on procedural mistakes.

In questioning what the White House knew, Rep. Elijah Cummings, D-Md., cited a memo written by a top general seven days after Tillman's death warning it was "highly possible" the Army Ranger was killed by friendly fire and making clear his warning should be conveyed to the president.

President Bush made no reference to the way Tillman died in a speech delivered two days after the memo was written. A White House spokesman has said there's no indication Bush received the warning in the memo written April 29, 2004 by then-Maj. Gen. Stanley McChrystal to Gen. John Abizaid, head of Central Command. "It's a little disingenuous to think the administration didn't know," Kevin Tillman told the committee. "That's kind of what we hoped you guys would get involved with and take a look," he said. Mary Tillman told the committee that family members were "absolutely appalled" upon realizing the extent to which they were misled. "We've all been betrayed ... We never thought they would use him the way they did," she said. The Tillman family has made similar accusations against the administration and the military before, but has generally shied away from news media attention. The family had never previously appeared together and summarized their criticism and questions in such a public, comprehensive way.

"We shouldn't be allowed to have smoke screens thrown in our face," Mary Tillman said. "You're diminishing their true heroism to write these glorious tales. It's really a disservice to the nation." "Our family will never be satisfied. We'll never have Pat back," she said. "Something really awful happened. It's your job to find out what happened to him. That's really important."
Last month the military concluded in a pair of reports that nine high-ranking Army officers, including four generals, made critical errors in reporting Tillman's death but that there was no criminal wrongdoing in his shooting.

Tillman's death received worldwide attention because he had walked away from a huge contract with the NFL's Arizona Cardinals to enlist in the Army after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

What is Bernard Pivot's favorite word?

2007-04-22T09:33:00.000-05:00

Had you ever heard of Bernard Pivot before James Lipton used his questionaire? Hmmmm. Let's start at the beginning. Have you ever heard of James Lipton? If not, let me enlighten you. He's a pompous little man who resembles a fire hydrant but has a nice smile who hosts "Inside The Actor's Studio." At the end of each interview he asks his celebrity guest a series of questions developed by his admitted hero, Bernard Pivot.

Pivot, as Wikipedia tells me, is a French journalist who hosts a series of cultural French TV programmes (Wikipedia's spelling, not mine. I guess "programmes" is European). Pivot developed his questionaire from French novelist, Marcel Proust. Every time I hear an actor answer the questions, I answer along with them. Only my answers tend to change from week to week. But for today, here are my truthful answers to Bernard Pivot's questionaire ...

What is your favorite word? Akimbo.

What is your least favorite word? C*nt.

What turns you on? Kisses on my neck.

What turns you off? B O (that can either mean body odor or Bill O'Reilly).

What is your favorite curse word? Jesus Fucking Christ.

What sound or noise do you love? Air moving through trees.

What sound or noise do you hate? The sound of someone chewing gum.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Screenwriter.

What profession would you not like to do? Factory worker.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? See, it was just as I told you.

A Sad, Sad Day ...

2007-04-16T18:11:00.000-05:00

There's a great deal that still isn't known, such as who he was and why he felt compelled to kill in the first place. This morning I logged onto Yahoo.com and saw a news headline that said, "1 killed, 21 wounded at Virginia Tech." I clicked on the story and there the headline read, "21 killed and 21 more wounded in shooting." I thought to myself, "What a horrible misprint. Shame on you, Yahoo for turning 1 fatality into 21." And then to discover, through the course of the day that the death toll actually stood at 33!

Yes, I include the shooter in the count of victims for surely, anyone who possessed the rage, fear and hate needed to commit this horrendous act is a victim, at least in my eyes. If there is any time during a national tragedy such as this that can be considered the "best" time, this would be it. This is the time when grief is fresh and gripping and all encompassing and takes away all else. This is when the focus is on loss and love.

It won't be long before this "best" time will give way to a "worse" time. This is when the mourning makes room for anger and blaming. This is when those who have lost a loved one begin to feel guilty or look for someone on whom to assign guilt. We're a country that doesn't accept random acts as random. There must always be a reason why, someone who did something wrong, someone who didn't do something they should have done, a child who couldn't have died just because ... When there's no one to blame, we blame God and then return to blaming ourselves because it's wrong to blame God and the vicious circle of anger spirals into a spirit of vengeance. "FIX IT" our country screams. "MAKE US NOT BE AFRAID!" This then is the "worst" time following a national tragedy. It is the time when many are willing to give into their own fear and anger to insist that some kind of feigned security be instituted.

For now, during this "best" time I hope that those who ache with grief will find comfort in knowing that their loved one is with God tonight, in the light. No, now they are the light. Please, I pray, go toward the light. It's where love is and where we all ultimately want to be.

Peace.

Poor People

2007-04-09T17:29:00.000-05:00

Remember this picture? It was taken in 1936 byDorthea Lange and became known as "Migrant Mother." The subject was Florence Owens Thompson, only 32 when this photo and several others were snapped in Nipomo, California. Ms. Lange never even asked Ms. Thompson her name. While Florence Thompson was able to move her family beyond poverty into a middle-class existence, she was always a bit resentful that she unwittingly became a poster child for poverty without seeing any financial benefit from the honor.

This stoic woman put a face to poverty during the depression. No easy task for any time during this nation's history and that's the point of this post. I ran across the following anonymous quote the other day:

"It is the essence of the poor that they do not appear in history."

What a notion. What an astounding judgement and how it saddens me that it is true. The picture above was taken in 1936, more than 70 years ago!!! How many pictures of poverty have you seen since? And if you have seen pictures of poor people, how many of their names do you remember? Did you even know Florence Thompson's name a minute ago?

The only thing that has happened in 70 years to make people look at the poor in this country is Hurricane Katrina. Yet even with devastation and death and wanton neglect, it was somehow the poor peoples' fault that they died. A huge chunk of US population doesn't ever ever want to have to look at poverty again. Maybe next time it will be harder to blame the poor for being poor or dying or not doing a better job of helping themselves...after all, this is America, land of the free, home of the brave. Only poor people aren't brave are they?

In the throes of trying to survive in New Orleans in the days following the levee breaks, our national media latched onto a handful of individuals who fired guns at helicopters and suddenly that handful represented what was wrong with ALL the victims of Katrina. Not only were they poor, not only wouldn't they help themselves, not only were they lazy for not trying to leave when they had the chance, they were ungrateful murderers too!

Spike Lee tried to set the story straight but a whole lot more tried to turn Katrina into a "They deserved the fate they got" scenario. Anonymous was right on. He/she knew exactly what they were talking about.

Florence Owens Thompson died in 1983 at the age of 80. Her gravestone reads, "Migrant Mother - a legend of the strength of American motherhood." I've always thought that a "legend" was a made-up story that some people believed because it was told over and over, but made-up nonetheless. There's her picture, in black and white, and her very existence is still perceived as questionable in its truth. It is how, I fear, the people of New Orleans will be remembered and diminished and minimized in the future ... because the poor don't appear in history.

Happy Easter!

2007-04-08T10:12:00.000-05:00

Whether it's eggs you're after or to bite the ears off a chocolate bunny or to find a renewed sense of self in this world, here's hoping Easter brings you more than you hoped for, more than you needed and more peace ... always more peace.

Erin Go Bragh

2007-03-17T18:13:00.000-05:00

Over in Killarney,

Many years ago,

Me mither sang a song to me

In tones so sweet and low.

Just a simple little ditty,

In her good ould Irish way,

And I'd give the world if she could sing

That song to me this day.

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,

Too-ra-loo-ra-li,

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,

Hush, now don't you cry!

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,

Too-ra-loo-ra-li,

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,

That's an Irish lullaby.

Oft, in dreams I wander

To that cot again,

I feel her arms a huggin' me

As when she held me then.

And I hear her voice a humin'

To me as in days or yore,

When she used to rock me fast asleep

Outside the cabin door.

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,

Too-ra-loo-ra-li,

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,

Hush, now don't you cry!

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,

Too-ra-loo-ra-li,

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,

That's an Irish lullaby.

How Much Does A Mantra Matter?

2007-03-06T16:53:00.000-06:00

How does one choose a mantra?

As I understand it, a mantra is a personal message or signal that will propel me into becoming a better me. It's a Pavlov's dogs kinda thing, right? When I hear the bell (ie. mantra) I'll begin salivating (ie. leap into action). I'll solve my own woes, fix my disappointments and become an advocate for me, myself and I. It's something I must do. I must focus on me and making me a more enlightened me.

I've been giving this some thought but am stuck on what my mantra should be. Afterall, if I use the mantra properly, it'll be a phrase that I'll repeat over and over and over again. It must have staying power.

"My life is in my control." Nope. When I say that the next phrase that comes into my head is "Take me to your leader."

"My life ..." Nope, I can't even start with "My life" because it makes me think of "My card" which makes me think of Robert DeNiro in an American Express commercial.

"Breathing is everything." Nope. I feel like I'm in Lamaze class and I'm not even pregnant.

"Live for today." Nope. There's Robin Williams with his face all scrunched up yelling "Carpe Diem" at me.

"One moment at a time." Nope. It sounds too much like a Hallmark card.

You know, as I write these different mantra ideas down there's one phrase that keeps whirling around in my head that just won't go away ...

"I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spoooks. I do, I do, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks."

It's a classic, really. The cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz is genuine if nothing else. He wants to be a better lion. Maybe I can try on his mantra for awhile and graduate into other meaningful mantras from The Wizard of Oz: "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." "And your little dog too. And your little dog too." "Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" "Who rang that bell? Who rang that bell?"

"We represent the lollipop guild ..."

Well, you get the idea. I guess a mantra is what you make of it. And if my mantra can take me away from my worries and problems and all the way to a land called Oz then all I can say is,

"Ding dong the witch is dead. Ding dong the witch is dead."

Betty Lou Has a Bad Case of the Flu!

2007-03-01T18:39:00.000-06:00

Well, not really. Actually I have a respiratory virus but "Betty Lou" and "flu" rhyme so I took some poetic license. Besides, I feel lousy and I can be nice to me if I want to.

I sometimes wonder whether all people feel the same symptoms when they're sick. I have a rather low tolerance for pain. I'm a big baby when it comes to discomfort and right now I'm plenty discomforted. Does my achin' head feel like your achin' head? When you have a really throbbing headache at the base of your skull do you visualize it as someone just hit you in the back of the head with a shovel? I do.

Do you appreciate the satisfaction of coughing up big hunks of mucous when your cough was dry before? I do.

And what's more satisfying than a tissue full of you-know-what when you weren't able to produce anything from all the blowing you were doing before.

And finally (I saved the best for last), is there anything more wonderful than prescription cough medicine? The kind that makes you drowsy and you're not allowed to operate heavy machinery when you take it? Ah, bliss. I covet my cough medicine like Blimpy covets hamburgers.

A Blast from the Past.

2007-02-21T18:19:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to bring someone like George Washington back to life and drive him around in the year 2007. It doesn't have to be GW. He's just the one I think of. It's a way of giving me some distance and perspective about the world and society and culture and who we are.

After I showed him his picture on the dollar bill and quarter, what would he think? Beyond the modern world of cars and appliances and computers and subways and airplanes, industry, skyscrapers, clothes and pre-packaged food and pharmaceuticals - beyond all that, what would he think of what we pay attention to? Especially this week. Anna Nicole Smith's body is decomposing yet she can't be buried because estranged family members, people who are claiming to be family members, people who are claiming paternity and a kooky "everybody look at me" judge won't put her in the ground because it might take away from their 15 minutes of infamy. Britney Spears shaved her head and suddenly everyone is a psychoanalyst and has labeled her everything from confused to suicidal. Season 6 of American Idol has no discernible talent to offer among its contestants so it has to create some "drama" between Ryan and Simon to keep viewers coming back.

Simon: "Sweetheart."

Ryan: "Don't call me sweetheart. We don't have that kind of relationship."

Everybody all together now: "Oooooooooooh."
Even I can't believe this exchange took place in front of 30 million people. What would poor George make of all this?

What did people do for fun in the mid 1700's? Would the father of our country think televison is fun in any way, shape or form? I'm thinking not. I imagine that after less than five minutes in the year 2007, Washington's ears would start to bleed. So would his eyes, his nose, his mouth and any other opening into or out of his body. I further imagine that his eyes would be darting around frantically in search of a trusty steed to remove him from this modern day Hell on Earth.

All I can say is, thank goodness the VanHalen reunion tour isn't going to happen. How could I begin to explain the David Lee Roth/Eddie VanHalen dynamic. Talk about a far cry from a minuet.

The Presidential Election is 623 Days Away ...

2007-02-20T15:30:00.000-06:00

...and already I'm weary of the empty rhetoric that rings false as soon as its left the lips of politicians with visions of oval offices in their heads. Today John McCain blamed Donald Rumsfeld for the Grand Bumblefuck known as Operation Iraqi Freedom. This is the same John McCain who spoke of DR this way just 3 months ago - " ... he deserves Americans' respect and gratitude for his many years of public service." But now that Mr. McCain is running for President he said this of Rummy - "We are paying a very heavy price for the mismanagement - that's the kindest word I can give you - of Donald Rumsfeld, of this war ..." and "I think that Donald Rumsfeld will go down in history as one of the worst secretaries of defense in history."

Funny how trying to get people to vote for you will make you say just about anything, right Hillary? I used to think you were the one. I hung my hat on your lucky star that was going to lead you back into the White House, only this time, you were going to wear the pants in the family. Not now. You're not genuine. Your convictions sound hollow and temporary. You used to speak with resonance. Now, you sound shrill. You're merely a ... you're a .... I can hardly bring myself to say the word. Hillary, you're just a politician. There, I said it. I'm sorry, Hil, but I don't want a manufactured President. I know that's asking a lot these days but I want a real person with a vision for this country, rather than a candidate with a vision of themselves on a postage stamp.

I guess what I'm saying is that I want Barack Obama to be our next American Idol. I don't want a professional snake oil salesman who will tell me whatever they think they need to so I'll vote for them. I don't want someone who's tucked into every available deep pocket with a special interest attached to it. I want a DC newcomer who is smart and savvy with a strong sense of self but who is selfless when it counts. I think Mr. Obama might be that person. I met and interviewed him once, before he won his senate seat. He's got light around him and I'm pretty sure it comes from within. Right now, that's enough for me.

But 623 days of more and more and more vapid soundbites? God, give me strength.

To Hell in a Handbasket!

2007-02-17T18:12:00.000-06:00

Yup, that's where we're all going ... to Hell in a handbasket. And just so you know, the online dictionary defines handbasket as follows:

1. a small basket with a handle for carrying by hand.

That means when we all go to Hell, we're all going to fit in one small basket that someone else will carry by hand. The question is: Who is going to carry all of us in one little ol' basket? Dorothy Gale is the only person I've ever seen even carrying a handbasket but I don't care if Judy Garland was a drug addict. There's no way someone who sang like her went anywhere but Heaven. If we're going to Hell, I guess Satan will be doing the carrying. I hope he gets a backache, that little mofo.

The next question, of course, is why are we all going to Hell in a handbasket? Because Anna Nicole died and we paid so much attention to that fact we'll probably all go blind before we go to Hell in a handbasket. And now Britney has shaved her head and we're all looking at the loopy, drugged-out look on her face right after she shaved her head and then we look at her head which reminds us of Natalie Portman's shaved head in that movie with the creepy guy in the mask, only Natalie is so beautiful with hair or without it, that it only makes Britney look more pathetic with no hair on her head and look ... there I go ... prattling on about some sickly, desperate celebrity who shows off her cooter to anyone who will look at it without thinking, "Hey, K-Fed's been there."

And then I just read that this is the "Year of the Pig" and that some Chinese fortune teller says it's going to be a disasterous year for all of us who aren't born this year. When you think about it, that's all of us ... the same "all of us" who are going to Hell in a handbasket. So, yeah, the Chinese fortune teller is right. This is going to be a disasterous year. I mean what's worse than going to Hell in a handbasket that's crammed full of everybody else - even Britney with her shaved head and naked cooter? And you know who else is going to be in that basket? That crazy astronaut in her diaper, Donald Trump bragging about how "The Apprentice" is the most successful show in the history of television, Larry King looking to interview Anna Nicole's third grade substitute teacher because she's the only one who hasn't weighed in on the "tragedy" and Tim Hardaway pushing anyone who looks gay away from his side of the basket.

So, before I climb into the handbasket bound for Hell, I'll be looking around just in case there's a mode of transportation that might be heading north. My eyes will be scanning heavenward, in search of angels 'cause you know what they say ... "The way to Heaven is on the wings of angels."

Merry Happy Joy Joy!

2006-12-25T17:45:00.000-06:00

O blessed day of feasts.
For the heart.
For the body.
For the soul.

O blessed child of God.
In body and spirit
You live in my children
Manifested in love.

Heaven and Nature sing
While others hum along,
Not sure of the words or if
They can carry a tune.

O blessed day on earth
That, in its weariness,
Thanks you for the reprieve.

O blessed are we all,
That today is Christmas day.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!

2006-12-20T10:38:00.000-06:00

What to Do With Leftover Turkey?

2006-11-24T16:26:00.000-06:00

Make Turkey Croquettes!

Mmmmmmmmmm.

2 1/2 c. ground cooked turkey
2 tbsp. melted butter
2 tbsp. chopped parsley
1 tbsp. minced onion
1/8 tsp. sage
Salt
1 egg
1 tbsp. water
1/4 c. flour
1/2 c. dried bread crumbs
Salad oil

In a medium bowl, blend first 5 ingredients. Add salt to taste. Cover and chill several hours. 30 minutes before serving, shape mixture into 8 cones. In shallow dish, beat egg with water. Place flour and bread crumbs on separate sheets of wax paper. Coat each croquette first in flour, then in egg, then in crumbs. In 4 quart sauce pan, over medium heat, heat oil; fry croquettes, turning until golden brown. Drain on paper towels. Serves 4.

Have I Mentioned How Much I Love Fall?

2006-10-16T18:00:00.000-05:00

BUY THIS BOOK!

2006-10-10T18:14:00.000-05:00

Free Fall into Autumn

2006-09-17T15:22:00.000-05:00

It's my favorite time of year and it has come just in the nick of time. I need to see the colors orange, red, brown and gold on the trees and on the ground. I have to smell "crisp" in the air. I must take into my lungs a cooler, cleaner, drier but more flavorful mixture of air and oxygen that hints of my childhood and tastes like past joys. It is imperative that I crunch when I walk and that I wonder over the veins of a single leaf that carry an ever changing color from end to end. Pumpkins and corn stalks and hay bales and scarecrows and chrysanthemums rule my world now and I welcome their edicts. They seem to say that I should slow down and bid a fond farewell to the obvious while paying attention to the subtle things that surround me but never demand attention. Now that I'm paying attention to them I wonder how they could have been so silent, so patient and so lovely without having been noticed before. Fall moves in slow motion and thankfully comes when I'm in no hurry.

Snakes On My Mind

2006-08-18T18:03:00.000-05:00

I can't turn around without seeing those muthaf*c&ing snakes! What is it with you people? I just read an interview with Sam Jackson in which he said, "When you see a snake attached to someone's butt in the movie, that's funny. When you see a snake attached to someone's eyeball, that's scary."

Gee, ya think?

There aren't many things I can imagine would be scarier than snakes on a plane but I'm sure some Hollywood/blogger geek who has no social life, doesn't brush his teeth reguarly and has long hairs protruding from his ears will think of something. You know there will be a sequel and a sequel to the sequel - in perpetuity.

"Tarantulas on a Plane" ... "Rabid Rats on a Plane" ... "People who Smack their Gum on a Plane." The possibilities are terrifying just as I believe that NOT seeing the movie, "Snakes on a Plane" is probably going to play out scarier in my brain than it would on a movie screen. I have a very active imagination.

Is there any doubt that in the next movie they're going to combine the two famous lines containing the word "muthaf*c&ing" so we can all hear "Yippee-ki-yay muthaf*c&ing snakes!"

I can hardly wait. Just as I can hardly wait for all the hype, the hoopla and those muthaf*c&ing snakes to slither away. For good.

Repeat Each Phrase Rapidly To Improve Your Diction!

2006-08-11T22:00:00.001-05:00

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

She made a proper cup of coffee in a copper coffee pot.

Unique New York.

Red leather, yellow leather.

She sells seashells by the seashore.

Rubber baby buggy bumpers.

Theolpholus thought it a silly thesis.

Big black bug's blood.

I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit

Toy Boat, toy boat, toy boat.

Three free throws.

Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?

(Note: There are more tongue twisters and tips to improve one's diction in a post dated 8-16-08 called "More Tips on Improving Your Diction.")

Jews are Offended - Women, Not So Much ...

2006-08-03T08:58:00.000-05:00

"Jewish Groups Call for Hate-Crime Probe on Mel Gibson" screams the headline and the story says, "Calling for a criminal investigation into the Oscar-winning actor and director's remarks, Abraham Foxman, the national director of the US Jewish Anti-Defamation League, said: "We believe there should be consequences to bigots and bigotry."

You go, Jewish Groups!

But where is the outrage from women? Wasn't anyone offended by Gibson's referral to a female sherrif's deputy as "Sugar Tits?" I was and I think I'm even more offended by the lack of interest or attention paid to Mel Gibson's ugly sexist remark.

Mel is asking the Jewish Groups to help him along the healing path and offered the following words of contrition: "I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for the vitriolic and harmful words. Please know from my heart that I am not an anti-Semite. I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith."

What about misogyny, Mel? Does that go against your faith too? Because calling a woman "Sugar Tits" is most surely an act of bigotry.

It would seem the Jews have some strong advocates who are rightly speaking up and out against the hateful words of Mel Gibson.

Again I ask, why aren't women doing the same?

I dare say it's a reflection on our culture and society that already diminishes women and their place in this culture and society and that makes me very, very sad.

Mel, Mel, Mel ... Tsk, Tsk, Tsk ...

2006-07-30T13:32:00.000-05:00

It' s times like these when we should all step back, take a deep breath and reconsider the depths to which we'll go, all in the name of "Celebrity Worship." Sure, we may all have our favorite movie stars or sports stars; people we might get tongue-tied or actually giggle in front of were we actually to come face to face with one of these icons.

But really, what's the point?

The "stars" we admire for their good looks and good roles or good moves aren't necessarily good people. Take Mel for instance. The admitted alcoholic got drunk, drove, got arrested, acted belligerent, made anti-semitic remarks, called a police officer "Sugar Tits"and summed up his public and perhaps private future in two words he allegedly repeated over and over: "I'm fucked."

I write this just after hearing of his public apology. I've not begun to read the mountains of reaction that's bound to come from what Gibson did and how he responded to what he did.

But here's my bottom line. When an admitted alcoholic falls off the wagon and puts himself into a position where he can harm others (ie. driving while intoxicated) that gets me upset. At the same time I'm willing to forgive the person when said person acts contrite about their actions and promises to do better. I'm sorry that Mr. Gibson lost this battle with his alcoholism and I hope he wins the next one, and the one after that.

What I can't forgive this movie star for is BEING a hateful, bigoted human being. Mel wasn't "ACTING" like an ass; he "IS" an ass. Demeaning Jews and women is apparently part of Mel Gibson's psyche. He can apologize for his behavior til the cows come home, it won't change who he is at his very core and that person is a very small person; someone who should have no influence in our culture and certainly not someone who should ring a bell on the glitzy Hollywood Superstar Meter.

What Mel did should remind us that we really know nothing about the celebrities we might admire. Nothing. And in light of the fact that Mel repeatedly and vehemently denied any anti-semitic overtones in his movie, "Passion of the Christ" and then turning around and blaming the Jews for all the problems in the world on Friday morning, it apparently doesn't matter what celebrities say while they're "being themselves." A role is a role is a role ... onstage or off.

A Million Dollar Pie so good it should be called "Billion" Dollar Pie!

2006-07-26T16:34:00.000-05:00

Not every "Million Dollar Pie" recipe is the same but this one is THE BEST ...and SO EASY! PLUS this recipe makes TWO pies (one to share with loved ones and another one to eat all by yourself, alone in your room with just the nite lite on ...)

1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 (8 ounce) tub of Cool Whip, thawed
1 cup chopped pecans
1 (20 ounce) can crushed pineapple, drained
2 (8-inch) graham cracker crusts

Combine milk and lemon juice in a large bowl, stirring well. Gently fold in Cool Whip, pecans and pineapple. Spoon mixture into crusts. Chill in fridge and VOILA, pie for everybody!

Remember ...

2006-07-11T13:33:00.000-05:00

Atticus said to Jem, "I'd rather you shot at tin cans in the back yard, but I know you'll go after birds. Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit ‘em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird." That was the only time I ever heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, and I asked Miss Maudie about it. "Your father's right," she said. "Mockingbirds don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don't eat up people's gardens, don't nest in corncribs, they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a mockingbird."

WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!!!!!

2006-07-07T09:58:00.000-05:00

I've been too busy to blog but have time to post something quickly. Under "Images" I googled "A picture is worth a thousand words." This photo was one of many that came up. How could I not post it? If you can figure out why, who, what, when and where, kudos to you! It should either make you laugh or give you nightmares so enjoy!

Who Took the "Star" out of Star Jones? She Did!

2006-06-29T16:12:00.000-05:00

The viewers didn't turn against Star Jones because she got married and then got skinny. They turned against her because she parlayed big her, little her, single her and married her into a product: STAR! Her own ego gained all the weight she dropped from her body. This is why viewers turned against Star:

1) When she was fat she championed all fat women. Then she got skinny and left behind all the fat women whose side she was supposedly on. Instead of continuing to champion them, she just championed herself.

2) By having gastric bypass surgery she cheated. Any woman who struggles with weight issues will tell you this. Gastric bypass surgery is the easy way out. It doesn't take a whole lot of will power to step away from the food trough when the alternative is getting desperately sick. PLUS Star hasn't even admitted to having the surgery, instead, intimating that she lost the hundred plus pounds through diet and exercise alone. Yeah, right.

3) Star made her relationship, engagement, wedding to a gay man into the biggest clown nuptials since Liza Minnelli and David Guest invited Michael Jackson and Elizabeth Taylor to witness their scary exchange of vows. Using The View to shill for free wedding stuff, going on and on about her Nancy man being the love of her life and going over the details and guest list ad nauseum (emphasis on "nauseum") was much ado about nothing that mattered to any of us regular folk.

4) Star's most egregious transgression was to think that anyone in the world gives a hoot. We all have our own lives with our own challenges and trying to empathize with someone as shallow as my backyard birdbath just aint gonna happen.

Bottoms Up!

2006-06-18T19:07:00.000-05:00

It's summer.
I'm hot.
I'm THIRSTY!

What should I drink? My favorite thirst-quencher is 1/3 MinuteMaid Limeaid mixed with 2/3 Sierra Mist Free. Tart, not too sweet and really quenches. But is it what I should be drinking to re-hydrate?

Apparently not.

I did a little research on the internet to find the best choice for re-hydrating the body after exercise or simply from sweating out fluids because of heat. I'm pasting the entire recommendation from one Anne Helmenstine, Ph.D., a work-from-home writer with a broad scientific and medical background. Anne has taught chemistry, biology, and physics at the high school, college, and graduate level. Her doctoral work developed ultra-sensitive chemical detection and medical diagnostic tests. Her answer about what's best to drink is comprehensive and a bit surprising overall. Here it is in its entirety ...

The natural choice for hydration is water. It hydrates better than any other liquid, both before and during exercise. Water tends to be less expensive and more available than any other drink. You need to drink 4-6 ounces of water for every 15-20 minutes of exercise. That can add up to a lot of water! While some people prefer the taste of water over other drinks, most people find it relatively bland and will stop drinking water before becoming fully hydrated. Water is the best, but it only helps you if you drink it.

Sports Drinks
Sports drinks don't hydrate better than water, but you are more likely to drink larger volumes, which leads to better hydration. The typical sweet-tart taste combination doesn't quench thirst, so you will keep drinking a sports drink long after water has lost its appeal. An attractive array of colors and flavors are available. You can get a carbohydrate boost from sports drinks, in addition to electrolytes which may be lost from perspiration, but these drinks tend to offer lower calories than juice or soft drinks.

Juice
Juice may be nutritious, but it isn't the best choice for hydration. The fructose, or fruit sugar, reduces the rate of water absorption so cells don't get hydrated very quickly. Juice is a food in its own right and it's uncommon for a person to drink sufficient quantities to keep hydrated. Juice has carbohydrates, vitamins, minerals, and electrolytes, but it isn't a great thirst quencher.

Carbonated Soft Drinks
When you get right down to it, the colas and uncolas of the world aren't good for the body. The acids used to carbonate and flavor these beverages will damage your teeth and may even weaken your bones. Soft drinks are devoid of any real nutritional content. Even so, they taste great! You are more likely to drink what you like, so if you love soft drinks then they might be a good way to hydrate. The carbohydrates will slow your absorption of water, but they will also provide a quick energy boost. In the long run, they aren't good for you, but if hydration is your goal, soft drinks aren't a bad choice. Avoid drinks with lots of sugar or caffeine, which will lessen the speed or degree of hydration.

Coffee and Tea
Coffee and tea can sabotage hydration. Both drinks act as diuretics, meaning they cause your kidneys to pull more water out of your bloodstream even as the digestive system is pulling water into your body. It's a two-steps-forward-one-step-back scenario. If you add milk or sugar, then you reduce the rate of water absorption even further. The bottom line? Save the latte for later.

Alcoholic Beverages
A beer might be great after the game, as long as you were the spectator and not the athlete. Alcohol dehydrates your body. Alcoholic beverages are better for hydration than, say, seawater, but that's about it.
The bottom line: Drink water for maximum hydration, but feel free to mix things up a bit to cater to your personal taste. You will drink more of what you like. In the end, the quantity of liquid is the biggest factor for getting and staying hydrated.

WWAD?

2006-06-09T20:34:00.000-05:00

I never thought I'd see the day when Americans would celebrate like barbarians and toss aside all remnants of a civilized, cultural existence. I would never have been convinced that people with whom I work and interact would glorify killing. But it has happened and I've had to endure the dumbing down of an entire nation of people.

The only thing missing from yesterday's "party" over the killing of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was a nationally televised bouncing ball sing-a-long to Queen's "We are the Champions" and a unanimous, public beating of the chests accompanied by the Tarzan yell.

All I can say in my utter shock and dismay at the horrendous reaction by Americans to one man's death is "What does this behavior teach your children about America?" Perhaps we should pause to consider "WWAD?"

We don't have to ask "What would Jesus do?" If the Bible is to be believed, we already know that Jesus was a pacifist. He was certainly not a man of vengeance and would just as certainly have condemned the behavior exhibited by so many Americans yesterday. Like a father with a child who had just jumped into a playground brawl for no reason, Jesus would say, "I'm so disappointed in the choices you've made" or "This is not where your heart should find gladness."

But "WWAD?" This is the more relevant question. What would Abe do? Considered, by many, our finest President, Abraham Lincoln was mocked, ridiculed and despised during his reign as this nation's leader. No one let up on him. No one gave him a break or cut him some slack. This country was in the worst condition it had known in its rather young life. Torn in half with men dying by the thousands week after week, Lincoln pressed on to do what was right. He wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. But he didn't just write it, he enacted it. As hated as he was and with essentially no support Honest Abe did what was right. He freed the slaves. Men continued to die by the thousands every week and the country continued on with its divisiveness but still the Emancipation Proclamation was law.

What does Lincoln and the civil war and the Emancipation Proclamation have to do with the death and reaction to the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi?

Everything.

He stood alone to do what was right. We have stood together to do what is wrong. Whereas Lincoln was a man of great character, we are country of rogues. His legacy is legend among those who came after him. Our legacy, based alone on yesterday's juvenile and reprehensible behavior, will be legend among our children and their children. I have no doubt the chapter heading describing this day in our history will be,
"The Day Americans Shamed Those Who Came After."

I Do ... I Do ... I really, really Do!

2006-06-07T19:35:00.000-05:00

Our President ...hmmmm. Seen his approval ratings lately? Checked out our "successes" in Iraq recently? Heard about the marches on behalf of fair and compassionate immigration? Seen the flip side of that coin in which fellow citizens (or monsters) want to line the Mexian border with soldiers with guns? And what is GWB focusing on amidst these serious, somber issues? Gay marriage.

HUH?

A Republican President wants the federal goverment to crack down on the downfall of morality in this country by banning gay marriage. First off, when did the Republicans publicly claim to be for MORE governemnt in our lives? How does a constitutional ammendment banning marriage by same-sex couples make my heterosexual union stronger? Because apparently it does. I keep hearing, over and over again, that banning gay marriages will lift up heterosexual unions as the bastians of all things natural and good and pure. Next thing you know, Billy Bob Butt Fuck won't be able to cornhole his wife without the Republican party bursting into his bedroom and telling him that doing that won't produce a baby. Because, again, our Republican President is ordering marriage to be about, and only about, making babies. I guess that means no more foreplay, no more oral gratification, no more anything that might serve as an expression of love or excitement or passion or role playing. Straight in, dump a load, pull out and turn off the lights. My oh my, ain't traditional, hetero marriage grand?

Betty Lou Rises From Everbody Elses Ashes!

2006-05-29T13:06:00.000-05:00

Alright, I admit it. I don't post as often as someone who's committed and driven should. And I also admit that I'm faced with a conundrum of motivation woes. It's the old "chicken or the egg" thing. Which comes first? Many, many, many written musings from me or readers to read them? I'm not motivated to write here because no one is reading what I write. But perhaps no one is reading what I write because they don't know I'm here (HELLLLLOOOOOOOOO, I'M HERE!) or because I'm not writing regularly enough or even because (NO, DON'T SAY IT) my writing doesn't interest the average blog reader. (GASP followed by SIGH)

What a cruel environment we've created for ourselves to live in and among.

This is my attempt at conquering my first supposition: No one knows I'm here.

If I mention enough topics and people and things that readers search for on the internet maybe they'll run across my blog by accident. It's worth a try ...

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had a baby monkey but they called it a girl and then named it Shiloh. Read more about it in the entertainment section of www.msn.com ... David Blaine is heading to Mt. Everest where he will sit at 29,000 feet, naked, and where he will refuse help (as if) from other climbers who are anxious to see what's at the summit. Read more at www.people.com ... Katie Couric will bid an emotional adieu to The Today Show this Wednesday. She takes over the CBS Evening News anchor chair in September. In the interim, Couric will take up heavy drinking and crack cocaine to keep her name out there. See www.NBC.com and www.CBS.com to find out which one is promoting her more ... V.P. Dick Cheney has volunteered to lead the military to the Mexican border in a show of support and solidarity to keep them in their country and us where ever we want to be. Cheney was excited at the idea of leading a team on horseback until he learned that the word was "posse," not "pussy." www.foxnews.com ... American Idol, Taylor Hicks will be announcing his sexual preference (insiders say he doesn't have one) when the final 12 go on tour this July. Meanwhile, love couple, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest are looking into adopting Paula Abdul to increase the crazy and drunk factor in their fabulous home high above the hills of Beverly. Go to www.idolonfox.com ... The Dixie Chicks have infuriated the bible belt again with a new song that country radio refuses to play. "I'm Not Ready to Make Nice" is an affront to decent people everywhere," proclaims the Rev. Jerry Falwell. "After that gay tellytubbie, Tinky Winky I hate the Bitchy Chicks the most!" See the Chicks at www.columbiarecords.com and the good Reverend at www.falwell.com ... The X-Men movie is the biggest Memorial Day opener ever! What are the odds that Kelsey Grammer knew that painting his face blue was going to be his watershed moment in show biz? However, I do think Halle Berry as Storm may have had something to do with the film's "exploding" box office receipts. See www.x-menthelaststand.com ... John Fitzgerald Kennedy was born on this date in 1917. For no reason in particular I just want to say "grassy knoll." See www.biography.com for more .... It appears that Alzheimer's disease is - - -uh - -alzheimer's is--uh--uh, uh, I forget what I was going to say - - - (www.alz.org) ... Guess what "Achy Breaky Heart" warbler, Billy Ray Cyrus is up to? He's co-starring with his singing daughter on Disney's "Hannah Montana." The kids love it! Check it out at www.disneychannel.com ... And finally, just because people like them: Jay-Z, Beyonce, Jack Black, Drake and Josh, Jennifer Aniston, Matt Lauer, Vince Vaughn, Kelly Clarkson, Keith Richards, Matthew Perry, Heather Locklear, Diane Sawyer, Spongebob Squarepants,Eva Longoria, George Clooney, Ashton Kutcher, Bruce Springsteen, Regis Philbin, Martha Stewart, Howie Mandel, Patrick Dempsey, Bob Dylan, Lindsay Lohan, Johnny Depp, Bono, Jesse McCartney, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Larry McMurtry, Clint Eastwood, Dora the Explorer, Bruce Willis, Terrance Howard, Ronald McDonald, Tiger Woods ... I could go on but this should do for now. Oh, and don't forget www.google.com.

Welcome to my blog!

Please come back again because next time I'll be serving light refreshments!

You Can't Make Pork Chops Out of Pigs Feet

2006-05-27T13:55:00.000-05:00

The current administration's smoke-and-mirrors show to shift attention away from Iraq is a marvel . The following was overheard in the White House Oval Office this past week. It is unclear who is in attendance but we do hear a few names that may help us out.

"...so, in conclusion I think most Amuricans will support us if we choose to shoot a bunch of Mexicans."

"Yeah, who the Hell do they think they are, comin' over here thinkin' they're gonna take away a crop pickin' job from out nation's youth."

"Let's see a show of hands. How many in here want their kids picking crops this summer?"

(Pause)

"Uh, Dick don't be a dick about this. Just put the gun down and use your hand if you want to vote. Okay, back to the vote. (pause)
Yeah, that's what I thought. We need another reason to keep the wetbacks from comin' in here."

"I was at a store once and the person who sold me my pipe tobacco spoke more Mexican than he did English. I told him, 'Fella, this is my country and you're a guest here. As a guest I expect you to speak my language and while you're at it, take down all that crap that you have hanging from your rear view mirror."

"That's exactly what we're trying to say with this new immigration policy, Carl. We need to make them understand that if they cooperate, learn the language, work their dark-skinned asses off for 5 bucks an hour and thank us for helping them get a foot up in our promised land AND after they pay taxes for 4 or 5 years, then, maybe we'll consider allowing them to become Amuricans."

"Hell, yeah! And for the rest of those non-English speaking little brown fuckers, we'll just throw a few canisters of "Military whup ass" at them and watch them writhe around on the ground for awhile."

(chuckling ensues)

Quote of the day ... uh, month ... Let's just call it quote of the year ---

2006-05-20T12:08:00.000-05:00

Do Something.

Blame no one,

and do something

---Anne Lamott

My favorite recipe Mom used to make

2006-05-09T20:36:00.000-05:00

My Mom called them "Hello Dollys" but today they're more commonly referred to as "7-Layer Bars."
No matter what you call them they are the most divine, sweet, crunchy, chewy, sumptious dessert ever! And to think, only about 3 trillion calories per bar!

INGREDIENTS:
1/2 cup butter
1 cup graham cracker crumbs
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup butterscotch chips
1 cup coconut
1 cup chopped walnuts (some prefer pecans)
1 can (15 ounces) sweetened condensed milk

PREP:
Melt the butter and mix with graham cracker crumbs. Pat the crumb mixture into a 9-x13-inch baking pan. Sprinkle the remaining ingredients over the crumbs in this order: choc chips, butterscotch chips, walnuts then coconut. Pour the can of sweetened condensed milk over all but don't stir.
Bake at 350° for about 25 minutes.
Cool and cut into bars.
Eat three or four, get sick, throw up, eat some more!

So Many Questions ... So Little Time.

2006-05-08T15:46:00.000-05:00

Betty Lou has been as busy as a bee of late but there are a few topics that are making my head spin:

Isn't militarizing the CIA about the worst idea anyone ever had?

If the majority of this nation's corn crop becomes devoted to the production of ethanol will movie theaters double the price of popcorn? I mean, isn't it already marked up about 5000 percent?

Will Tom Cruise ever appear normal to anyone again or was jumping the couch the end of his blockbuster movie career?

When do you think the Avian Bird Flu will become a pandemic in the U.S. and does anyone think that George Bush will handle it about as effectively as he handled Hurricaine Katrina? However if a flock of infected birds fly into our airspace and Osama Bin Laden takes credit for it, does anyone doubt that Bush, Cheney, et al will take great pleasure in adding Tweety Bird to the Axis of Evil?

Is Michael now an "Other" on "Lost" and does Elliott have a shot at being the next American Idol? What do you think is #1 on Earl's list and, after all this time, does anyone understand what "Unanimous" was about?

Here Comes the Bride!

2006-04-22T16:04:00.000-05:00

Wedding Season is nearly upon us and Betty Lou always attempts to stay abreast of what trends are trendiest or at least trendy for trendiness sake. Here is a list of the most popular "first dance as husband and wife" songs from 2005:

Unforgettable (Nat King Cole)
Can't Help Falling In Love (Elvis Presley)
Can I Have This Dance? (Ann Murray)
The Way You Look Tonight (Frank Sinatra)
It Had To Be You (Harry Connick, Jr.)
What A Wonderful World (Louis Armstrong)
Endless Love (Diana Ross and Lionel Richie)
I Cross My Heart (George Strait)
I Swear (John M. Montgomery or All 4 One)
A Whole New World (Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle)
As Time Goes By (A Kiss Is Just A Kiss) (Michael Feinstein)
When You Say Nothing At All (Allison Krauss)
Faithfully (Journey)
No Ordinary Love (Sade)
Here And Now (Luther Vandross)
I Can Love you Like That (John M. Montgomery)
Power Of Love (Celine Dion)
Tonight I Celebrate My Love (Roberta Flack & Peabo Bryson)
Everything I Do {I Do For You} (Bryan Adams)
When A Man Loves A Woman (Percy Sledge or Michael Bolton)
All My Life (Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville)
I'll Be There (Mariah Carey)
On Bended Knee (Boyz II Men)
At Last (Etta James)
Don't Know Much (Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville)
From This Moment On (Shania Twain)
Our Love Is Here To Stay (Harry Connick, Jr.)
Unchained Melody (The Righteous Brothers)
(source: mobile DJ survey from discjockeys.com)

Now personally I would avoid "Unchained Melody" if I were you. It's a difficult song to dance to and it's so long that guests will already be drunk and falling down in front of you on the dance floor. They'll be tossing their cookies before you even toss the bouquet.

And a few more tips...

1) Don't smash cake into your beloved's face. You're not 8 and witnesses will always tell your children this story everytime you try to discipline them.

2) No spooning or deep throat kissing on the dance floor ... especially while dancing with your new mother-in-law.

3) If you're the best man, avoid showing the handcuffs, blindfold and dildo you gave to the groom for his honeymoon and don't use words like "slut," "crack whore" and "she swallows" during the toast.

4) For a good laugh and great photo, when it comes time for some lucky man to remove the garter from the bride's leg, make sure the bride has planted a long wig that matches her own hair, hanging down between her legs. Hilarity will ensue!

A Poem About Something ... I Just Don't Know What

2006-04-18T20:48:00.000-05:00

There was a reason why...
once.
If only I could remember.
Can you?
Where do honorable people go when they die?
Do the less honorable walk with them?
Or do they just carry their luggage?
Are there shades of wrong?
Can one be born with the capacity for outrage?
He smiled often only it was a green, drippy smile.
Imagine kissing a man with fuzzy teeth.
Would you?
If he asked nicely, would you?
Could you?

May You Have Sweet Dreams of a ... HAPPY EASTER!

2006-04-15T20:31:00.000-05:00

No more jellybeans for you, Barfy, and if I have to hold you down all day I will!

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night ...

2006-04-03T16:35:00.000-05:00

As I was going through some old emails I had saved (hundreds and hundreds of emails but I'll save that compulsion for another day) I ran across a contest entry I'd submitted in 2003. The contest was called "The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest" and required entrants to compose an appalling and horrific sentence that would begin a book of a particular genre. The contest was and has been based on the wretched opening sentence of a book by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton written in 1830. You, no doubt, have heard at least the first seven words many times before -

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

Rather ghastly, don't you think?

I thought my entry in 2003 was a formidable competitor to all things frightfully bad in writing. But alas, there was no prize for me; not even a "Your sentence wasn't horrible enough to make the cut" or "Sorry, Betty Lou, but you're not bad enough to the bone." Looking at my sentence again three years later made me want to share it with those who might stumble across this page and wonder to themselves, "What the Hell is this blog about?"

Quite frankly, it's about this:

"In walked an angel but not an angel with wings or halo but an ethereal vixen nonetheless who was wearing a dress that made her cleavage look as deep as the well in the backyard of my childhood home, except that my well had a dead cat in it and my brothers used to pee in the well, unlike her cleavage."

I don't have the winning entry from 2003, unfortunately, but the following sentence was the big winner in 2005:

"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual." Dan McKay, Fargo, ND

If you're interested in checking out the contest (I have nothing to do with it, by the way. I just want to be bad enough to be rightfully recognized for my abominable talents) go to www.bulwer-lytton.com for details of how to enter (you have until June) and may the most putrid writer win!

A Poem From Deep Within My Soul

2006-03-31T19:12:00.000-06:00

I'm Betty Lou
What to do? What to do?
Weeks? It's been two
Since posting for you.

Am I sad? Am I blue?
Why yes, are you too?
I'm Betty Lou
With too much to do
And hours too few
And days that just flew.

Now, I know what to do.
I'm back just for you .
There's no need to boo.
Instead yell "yahoo!"

For I'm Betty Lou
How do you do?
From me to you,
Just for now, adieu!

Grieving as a Grown-up

2006-03-18T17:35:00.000-06:00

My mother died thirty years ago, a lot longer ago than I've been alive. I was twenty when she passed. Twenty is an age when self hasn't been defined beyond self. Twenty year olds are self-involved. As I recall, the earth was revolving around me so when my mother was no longer in that world, my reaction was devastation that she wasn't in MY life. It didn't occur to me that she wasn't in THIS life. She was ready to go, my father begged her to stay and I just waited to see how I would be affected by whatever she did.

My father died three years later and even at twenty-three my life was still mainly about me. It was worse than my mother dying because anything that I had attached to her had shifted to my father. Without his knowledge, he was carrying a lot of my baggage around when he passed on. I saw myself as a suddenly burdened twenty-three year old orphan who couldn't fathom what to do or how to do it.

One of these days I'll write about how their dying was the kindest thing they ever did for me. But not today.
Today's musings are about grief. I left the town in which I grew up shortly after my father's passing. I drove four days in my Buick LeSabre to a state most people don't even really believe exists. It took twenty-one years for me to return to my birth state and my hometown. That gap of time was determined more by circumstances than desire or lack thereof. When I drove my rented car into the town of my youth 21 years later, it was as if I was half dreaming. Instinctively I knew where to turn and what roads would lead to locations of importance. But like a dream, it barely seemed like a real place where I had really lived. I speak only in the physical sense because emotionally I connected immediately. I began to cry as soon as I got near my childhood home. Tears blurred my vision driving past Deane-Porter School, Forrestdale School, the high school, Holy Cross Church and even Hower's grocer which wasn't even called that anymore.

I had to pull-over and sit and compose myself. My soul was sick with all of the heaving and weaving and lurching tearing through it. It took some time before I realized that the tears and sobs were the symptoms of grief. I was mourning my parents as a grown-up. Now that I was an adult I saw them from an adult's point of view. I was a different person going through the fresh pain of losing a parent. I was never conscious of when the world stopped revolving around me but it did become clear as I sat in the car and recognized my parents as adults, as an adult myself. How deeply dimensional they became and how hurt I felt to know that I would never know them in that way.

Thomas Wolfe's "You can't go home again" is a tired cliche that gets dragged out for any old occasion to prove a point. I can't quote him with any truth. You CAN go home again. It's just that when you do go home again, it becomes what you have become: better, more experienced, more compassionate, more prepared, more whole. More.

Laugh Until Milk Comes Out Of Your Nose!

2006-03-17T20:11:00.000-06:00

Betty Lou wants to share a few of her favorite jokes ...

Two boys, 8 and 9, start using profane language all the time. Their parents, distraught, ask a psychiatrist what they should do. The doctor says, "The next time one of those boys uses a bad word, each of you should smack him across the face." "OK" say the parents. The next morning the boys come down for breakfast and the older boy turns to his mom and says, "Pass the fuckin' cornflakes. The mother immediately slaps him across the face. Then the father slaps the boy sending the kid off his chair and onto the floor. Mom turns to the younger boy and asks, "Now, what do you want?" He replies, "I sure as shit don't want the fuckin' cornflakes!"

An exceedingly wealthy business magnate was hosting a celebration on his estate. After he had fed and entertained his guests they were all gathered around the Olympic size pool. At that point he took the cover off the pool to reveal that it was teeming with hungry pirana fish. "To anyone brave enough to swim the length of this pool," he challenged, "I will give you your choice of a million dollars or half of the shares in my company Or, you can have my daughter's hand in marriage." Immediately there was a splash and they all turned to watch a man swimming furiously down the length of the pool. When he got to the other side, he dragged himself out, bleeding and clothes in tatters. The wealthy man was thrilled: "I am impressed. I didn't think anyone would take my offer, but you did and now you have a choice to make. Did you take this risk for the million dollars, the shares in my company, or my daughter's hand? Tell me, what do you want?" The young man replied, "I want to know who pushed me in the pool!"

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his shoulder. The bartender yells out, "Hey what do you think you're doing? Get that pig outta here!" The man says, "What are you, an idiot? This is a duck, not a pig!" The bartender replies, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the duck!"

I'm Betty McLou! How do you McDo?

2006-03-17T06:35:00.000-06:00

Danny Boy

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.
And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.
And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

Dear Betty Lou,

2006-03-13T15:40:00.000-06:00

Dear Betty Lou,
A friend invited me to attend a church service with her yesterday. She is of a different faith than myself and I was interested in another perspective on worship. I was shocked to hear the preacher repeatedly use the word "we" in his remarks . Examples: "We don't watch television shows that promote infidelity" or "we support the 2nd ammendment." Betty Lou, when did churches start speaking on behalf of their parishoners instead of speaking to them? I was offended by what appeared to be forced inclusion which seemed to translate into a popular Bushism: "If you're not with us, you're against us." What's your take on this phenomenon?

Betty Lou Responds -
I take it as an affront to individual expression. Too often these days people are going through life with a "Club" mentality. This means that individuals are not trusting their own individuality and find comfort in thoughts and ideas agreed upon by a mob. The impetous for this type of behavior dates back to childhood when every kid felt like an outsider hoping to be accepted by the "cool kids." Rather than risk not being asked to the prom as an adult, people leap into the largest group no matter what ideals are being embraced by said group. The sinister aspect of all this, of course, is that supposed ministers of God are ignoring the most important gift handed down by our Lord in favor of increasing church membership. That gift, of course, is the gift of free will and what comes along with that: the ability to think critically, make individual choices and to know when to stand up and walk out of church while understanding that God isn't the least bit offended.

Susan B. Anthony : More Accurate Than Nostradamus!

2006-03-12T19:00:00.000-06:00

Susan B. Anthony (1820-1906)

Look when she lived then look what she said about our government and foreign policy. Change a few words and nothing's really changed at all.

"How can you not be all on fire? ... I really believe I shall explode if some of you young women don't wake up --and raise your voice in protest against the impending crime of this nation upon the new islands it has clutched from other folks. Do come into the living present and work to save us from any more barbaric male governments."

A Bush is a Bush is a Bush

2006-03-11T12:46:00.000-06:00

A Consensus Within My Own Mind on our 43rd President...

As his party abandons him, the faithful who still rejoice in his essence are now sidestepping the issue of how effective, ineffective or downright dangerous GWB is on any given day. Now the response to W's actions run along the lines of "Well, he's a lame duck anyway so let's move on." Excuse me? Isn't this goofy gus going to continue dragging us down the road to ruin for another 20 months? He isn't napping for those 20 months, or if he is, Mr Cheney has the keys to the car. Prez GWB has already pawned off his new Patriot Act on a nation that didn't really like it the first time around.
If I hear "We will stay the course" one more time, I 'll start singing "Stand by Your Man" in a falsetto at the top of my lungs at the supermarket. How can we stay the course when we've never been more off course as a nation? Where are the elected democrats? Oh, that's right. They're crouching under their tables in the house and senate chambers, laying low until mid-term elections when they'll suddenly poke their heads out, declare that it's a brand new world and that they have the blueprint for a place called Shangrila . Enough! Please!
As an American citizen today I ask for one thing and one thing only of our elected officials. Here it is:
Introduce an idea, a proposal or a piece of legislation that will make a difference in the life of an American who is hanging on, waitng for someone to make a difference. Let this be the first action that is not motivated by party politics, the desire to be re-elected, pandering to lobyists, or with the expectation that whoever you do something for will do something for you in return. Do something because it's the right thing to do.
Am I naive? You betcha.
Wearing rose-colored glasses? Uh huh.
Jaded? No.
But we used to be a better nation then we are now. (see my previous post on "humanity.").
Aren't our elected officials going to be embarassed when they're old and a grandchild, sitting on their knee, asks "So, how come that selfish President got away with so much and you didn't even try to stop him?"